Your f'ed-up superheroes update: cokehead Spiderman and incontinent Batman (NSFW)

Illustration for article titled Your fed-up superheroes update: cokehead Spiderman and incontinent Batman (NSFW)

Man, superheroes have gone through the wringer lately. First, Italian artist Giuseppe Veneziano opened a controversial show that features superheroes behaving badly. Also, Kevin Smith wrote an in-canon comic of Batman peeing his pants. Yes, you read that right.

First off, Giuseppe Veneziano has been causing a stir with his recent pop art show in Pietrasanta, Italy. Granted, the hubbub has been over a painting of a baby Hitler cuddling up with the Virgin Mary, but his portrayals of superheroes have been none too flattering. Think Catwoman-Batman-Robin threesomes.

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Illustration for article titled Your fed-up superheroes update: cokehead Spiderman and incontinent Batman (NSFW)
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Illustration for article titled Your fed-up superheroes update: cokehead Spiderman and incontinent Batman (NSFW)
Illustration for article titled Your fed-up superheroes update: cokehead Spiderman and incontinent Batman (NSFW)
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Meanwhile, Chris Sims' review of Batman: The Widening Gyre 6 over at Comics Alliance has been gaining some serious plaudits — Sims calls out DC for allowing Kevin Smith (yes, that Kevin Smith) to run roughshod over classic characters in ways other writers would be fired for:

"Widening Gyre" is the most compelling argument I've seen for the distinction between fan-fiction and "legitimate" comics writing being purely monetary, because there is no qualitative distinction whatsoever between what Smith's doing here and what JokerScarz666 puts up on his LiveJournal. Smith's writing on Batman is marked by nothing so much as a pervasive immaturity. He writes like a 13-year-old in every possible way.

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Illustration for article titled Your fed-up superheroes update: cokehead Spiderman and incontinent Batman (NSFW)

How roughshod is roughshod? Let's just say that one of Batman's paramours reveals to Alfred the number of times Bats made her orgasm...

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Illustration for article titled Your fed-up superheroes update: cokehead Spiderman and incontinent Batman (NSFW)

...and that Smith makes Batman piss himself.

Mind you, the above bladder spasm occurs in a scene in Frank Miller and David Mazzucchelli's seminal Batman: Year One. That's like going back to Fantastic Four 1 and rewriting Mr. Fantastic emerging from his downed spaceship waggling an eight-yard erection. You just don't do it.

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I've been waiting eight years for Smith's second issue of Daredevil/Bullseye: The Target. I think I can wait a little longer.

[Via Giueseppe Veneziano, Buzzfeed, and Comics Alliance]

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DISCUSSION

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Patrick Stinson

I think that complaining about this misses the entire point of Year One, full stop.

Batman is an amateur in Year One, that's his entire arc. He gets stabbed, shot, and blown up by doing incredibly stupid things. During his first night out in costume, he almost gets killed by two thugs while trying to save one...that he himself had knocked off the building by mistake.

Did you know that people pee themselves in real life or death situations, not just in komedy? Is Batman now grittier and more realistic than actual events? Did he train for years to be good at everything...including perfect bladder control?

Now, I'm certainly not giving Smith a free pass for writing while high (which he announced to the crowd at an Evening w/ Kevin Smith that I attended) but frankly, there is so much stupid shit in "canon" that this wouldn't even register if people didn't obsess over Batman's magical piss-free dignity.

And even if he IS poking fun at Year One, really, why are we giving it a free pass? Catwoman's a hooker, Batman commands the bat-legions with magic noise, and firebombing a building in the middle of a crowded city is a legal move by the police department. Uh-huh.