Once Upon A Time Returns To Its Throne Of Bad Decision-Making

Illustration for article titled Once Upon A Time Returns To Its Throne Of Bad Decision-Making

Once Upon A Time is back and so are the slew of bad decisions that plagues every single resident of Storybrooke. So pull up a chair and check out what is essentially an hour-long advertisement for Frozen.


First up, apologies for missing the premiere; I was out of the country. However, it doesn't appear as if I've missed much. Instead of character building or plot whispering, OUAT decided to just ask the audience over, and over again, "Hey, remember Frozen?" Which is where we find this episode. Storybrooke is plus one Princess Elsa, meanwhile everyone else seems to be back to the same old, same old—especially the Evil Queen. Woe to the writer who spent most of the last year and the year before that trying to pepper Regina with character building, because no, it appears that she's slipping right back into her evil ways. Because if there's one thing OUAT loves to do, it's dump on Regina. You see, Regina found love with Robin Hood, but not anymore, because Emma brought his dead wife back to life thanks to time travel and—oh shucks, wouldn't ya know—it sucks to be Regina again.

But in this episode less time is spent with the actual characters of Storybrooke and most of the time is dedicated to clanging the large money bell that is Frozen.

Illustration for article titled Once Upon A Time Returns To Its Throne Of Bad Decision-Making

So here's what happens: Anna makes it to the Enchanted Forest, home of Prince Charming's terrible new wig. There she has a wonderful battle of wits with Charming that (no lie) goes like this:

- "Hello, I got your name from an old friend of yours from Arendelle."

- "Oh, you must mean Kristoff?"

- [With actual surprise] "Why would it be Kristoff?"


Basically it was a battle of wits and the loser was us, the audience. And because there are 1,000 episodes in each season of Once Upon A Time, the rest of last night's episode was spent fighting evil Little Bo Peep, fairy tale mafia. I am NOT kidding. *Throws hands up walks away.*

Illustration for article titled Once Upon A Time Returns To Its Throne Of Bad Decision-Making

Meanwhile, back in Storybrooke, Elsa has landed and has now decided freeze the whole town with an ice wall. This way she can keep everyone inside the town until she finds out where her missing sister, Anna, is. This is a good plan and you shouldn't question it. Not even for a second.

Illustration for article titled Once Upon A Time Returns To Its Throne Of Bad Decision-Making

As for the Storybrooke citizens not on the wall, they (Henry) seem to be really concerned with how the Evil Queen is handling her recent breakup. And once again Henry tumbles into the dangerous "this is not an appropriate relationship" waters. Why? Because in order to help his grown-ass mother deal with a split, her young adult, pre-teen son cobbles together a gift basket with chocolate, DVDs and alcohol. Yes, Regina's creepy son Henry is now plying his grieving mother with booze because that's just the kind of unhealthy interest Henry takes in his mother's broken sex life.

This oddness is only eclipsed when Henry's birth mother, Emma, greedily assumes that this creeptastic love basket from her son is actually for her. Because EVERYTHING IS ABOUT EMMA. And that's about it for "present-day" Storybrooke. Elsa gets her and Emma trapped inside an ice room and Emma almost dies (because that's what Emma does). They get out and are now besties. All of the almost near-hypothermia killing is forgiven because Elsa didn't really mean to cause any harm when she was shooting ice at the citizens of Storybrooke. Also, it turns out Anna is missing and that's most likely what we'll be doing for the next few episodes looking for Anna so she can have the all-important climax-ending Frozen wedding



UPDATE: However, as I stated below I actually kind of liked the wacky Bo Peep villain. It was one of those moments where Once Upon A Time uses their own insanity for their benefit. Bo Peep transforms into some accented mafia don from England and it's RIDICULOUS. Sure, this entire creature was conjured up so that Elsa could discover that Anna was still alive via her "branding crook" which was a good idea in character powers but sadly a little too "gee doesn't that all work out." However it was GREAT when we got to see Peep in the real world as a snarky butcher. Loved it. And the other part of the episode I truly enjoyed was Snow White telling the barking citizens of Storybrooke to shove it. Good for her. I think this only solidifies my long held belief that Once Upon A Time is at it's best when it's showing how magical creatures function in the real world.



you missed a few humdingers

- Prince Charming calling over the radio immediately when the power went out to say he has been getting calls from all over town

- the dwarves getting angry at Snow and her basically telling them to £}*# off

- Elizabeth Mitchell being the Snow Queen. Because having just the Disney version of a fairytale character isn't enough

- Bo Peep still sounds murderous in Storybrooke, and she's just been chilling as a butcher for three years? I bet she has a basement of horrors