You Maniacs! You Blew It Up - Again! God Damn You To Hell!

Illustration for article titled You Maniacs! You Blew It Up - Again! God Damn You To Hell!

As if Tim Burton's Planet Of The Apes remake wasn't bad enough, rumors started appearing online this weekend that Fox has a script for another remake for the simian-future franchise. But, if those rumors are to be believed, this time the story of the struggle of our monkey brothers is taking on a particularly conservative bent.According to CHUD, this new attempt to reboot Charlton Heston's most valuable legacy - written by The Hand That Rocks The Cradle's Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver, and titled Genesis: Apes — centers around Caesar, a genetically-modified ape that gets adopted by the family of the scientist who created him, and raised as a human child... until his adopted mother gets attacked and his resulting rage lands him in Primate Prison, where he's shunned by the regular monkeys and treated like an average ape by the prison guards. And so he decides to become a terrorist and take over America by force. Yes, that's right - Genesis: Apes doesn't just have an oddly religious title, it's also a movie about the evils of science (Genetically modifying apes leads to the downfall of American society! I knew monkeys weren't like us! I told you that whole Evolution thing was the devil's work!) that will feature ape terrorists attacking our very lifestyle with their banana-lovin' ways. CHUD, which seems to find this script to be something other than laughable — "it's the perfect way to get the franchise back up and running," they say — isn't too optimistic about it being made into a movie:

Maybe this is why the script has been languishing all this time. You just can't have your hero working to tear down our modern society. It's too radical! Plus, Fox remains notoriously unfriendly to good genre ideas... It's likely that Genesis: Apes will sit on a shelf forever and ever, but here's hoping that somebody at Fox is paying attention and realizes that even Mark Wahlberg can't keep this franchise down forever.


While we're always up for a good Apes movie, this doesn't actually strike us as having the potential to actually be a good Apes movie... so we're kind of hoping that the script stays on that shelf until someone comes up with a better idea... and a title that involves the words "Planet" "Of" and "The". Is Planet Of The Apes Getting Rebooted Again? [CHUD]

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Good grief! Does anyone write new material anymore?