Oh my God, this show. I have, never in all my days, seen a show as cheesy as Once Upon A Time In Wonderland. And I recap Once Upon A Time.

This show stars Evil Prince as Jafar — and some sort of human sex bunny as the Evil Queen. These two baddies ripped apart a pair of romance novel cover models, so they could get the wishes.

And it is cheesy. I mean so cheesy. Like, if Hallmark knocked up a Precious Moments doll, it would be this show.


The premiere episode set up most of the premise: Genie meets girl, evil witch throws genie in the boiling sea, girl gets sent to insane asylum thinking Genie is dead. Genie is not dead, and her friends (who are all clearly in love with her) and the CG rabbit try and help her find her not-dead lost love. I'm not even kidding — the show has a GLOWING NECKLACE OF LOVE.

The second episode was just more of the same. It shows how Alice and the Genie fell in love — which was immediately. So that explains that. And since it's British, everyone is sure to say "bloody el" over and over and over again, BECAUSE THEY ARE BRITISH.

However, I'm kind of into it. So far, I like the fact that this plot has the depth of a kiddie pool and all the characters say their feelings right out loud (except the Knave — he wears his unrequited love on his perfectly manicured eyebrows). It's so obvious, it's kind of refreshing. I have no idea if this will get old. It probably will — but for now this whole show reads like a kind of Improv Troupe trying to practice various acting exercises.

The star of the show is undoubtedly Jafar, played by Sayid from Lost. If I had to give his acting a scale, it would be a Spinal Tap 11. He saw what was happening on Once Upon A Time and thought, "what if we cranked it up to 11?" The result is pure gold.


In last night's episode, Jafar shows up and says the word "scaaaaaaaaaaaaarves" and then starts berating a man for "Haaaaaving 2 CAMELS" "TWO CAMELS!" THIS IS A DEAD GENIE HAVING GIVE-AWAY, YOU FOOLS.

As for the actual plot of the last episode, the same thing happened that I suspect will happen every week. Alice gets a little bit closer to finding her Genie, but still has a long road ahead. Then there are flashbacks of the two of them making out for a little while. It's so weird. But that's OK. Bloody Hell, Pip Pip, Jafar Prince, Pouty Queen Big Boobs. I'm in!