We can't help it. Despite loving every inch of the original Iron Man movie, just that one pic of Mickey Rourke's new villain Whiplash was enough to make us terrified about the sequel. Let us count the ways it worries.
He Looks Like An Old-School He-Man Action Figure
We can't be the only people who thought that, right? I mean, look:
We don't care how popular Transformers may be; we're not buying the idea that 1980s toys are a suitable design model for movies from now on. What's next? Black Widow will look like Jem? What a truly outrageous idea.
What's With The Highlights In His Hair?
Not since Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow has one man's hair looked so unconvincingly unkempt, so professionally teased and tinted in an attempt to seem scraggly and abandoned. It's the weirdly glossy, showbiz shorthand for a dangerous badass - he's too busy being deadly to wash his hair! - that just feels too lazy, and too cliched, to be coming from the same people who brought us the fresh, funny and, let's face it, stylish, Iron Man. And don't get us started on that facial hair, either. Robert Downey Jr. can pull it off. Mickey Rourke? Not exactly. Get a haircut and a shave, hippie.
There Is Absolutely Nothing Threatening About The Way He Looks At All
Let's face it, Rourke looks more like he's just about to fall over than about to kick your ass in that photo. And why not? It's got to be hard to walk around with massive metal electrical whips trailing out from your arms. I get what they were trying to get at with the look - that it's a jury-rigged design based on the same technology as the Iron Man suit, but slightly more homemade - but... it looks so homemade that it's come from the Transmorphers version of the movie instead of the real thing. He just looks like a schlubby guy with a torch strapped to a chest. Don't get me wrong, I knew that we couldn't just have guys in suits of armor fighting in every movie, but still: How's Tony Stark going to even break a sweat dealing with this guy?
Are we overreacting in hoping that this is a pic of some mid-movie, unfinished look for the villain, or some kind of foiler pic that'll be revealed to be fake when the movie's released next year? We hope so - but this wouldn't be the first time that a sequel has turned out to be as sucky as the original. Prove us wrong, Jon Favreau!