Greetings, my zealots of zip codes! Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and we denizens of the post-apocalypse still sit around a big meal and give thanks. For instance, I'm particularly grateful I'm no longer imprisoned by those horrible sentient apes. I'm also thankful roast ape tastes a bit like pork. Letter time!


A League of Their Own

Peter:

Mr. Postman,

Long time reader, second time writer. You may remember my crack-pot theory that Batman Beyond would be the next solo batman series (which I'm still holding out on) and I'm back with a question about something even more insane.

I'll keep this one quick: after the release of DC's Film slate and Marvel's massive blockbuster announcement of its Phase 3, it seems like both companies are listening to (somewhat) to what fans want. The great diversity in both company's line-ups, the priority of a female-led film (since the Shazam movie was *supposedly* pushed back for Wonder Woman); but moreso, they're clearly interested in making money.

If the fans were vocal enough about it, do you think Marvel and WB, in the name of making possibly more money than any movie would or could ever make ever before or again...would ever, ever, ever, get together and make a JLAvengers movie/movie series? A trilogy of films maybe where the biggest names and actors come together for a story that puts all other superhero movies to shame?

I know that the likelihood is next to nil, but I want to know how close to nil you expect it to be and I'm curious what a full run down of reasons from my favorite postman would be that it wouldn't happen...or maybe, to my surprise, that you think...it's possible?

Nope!

As difficult as it's been for Marvel Comics and DC Comics to work together to have a crossover, it would be infinitely more difficult to get Marvel Studios and Warner Bros. to work together. The money is so much bigger, it requires more executives agreeing on things, and then infinitely more lawyers, and it would take so long to hammer out a contract that both sides were comfortable with that it's more or less impossible. And that's before you even start trying to write a script that both sides are happy with.

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Plus, there's the fact that a Justice League/Avengers crossover movie wouldn't be the double-plus success you might think. The Avengers movie made a billion dollars, an achievement verrrry few films make, and I think it's a very good shot that Batman V. Superman will do the same. Both movies are pretty much winning over the entire comic book movie audience right there.

It's not like there are two totally separate groups of people going to see Marvel movies and DC movies, and both groups would go together to see JLAvengers, and the movie would make two billion dollars. It'll still make a billion dollars, which Marvel and WB would have to share. We go through all that work to make less money than they would on their individual films?

Maybe — maybe — one day far in the future when comic book movies are so ubiquitous that audiences are no longer thrilled with them and they don't make as much money — maybe then Marvel and DC would consider trying to make a crossover movie to give fans something new to see (and buy tickets for). But until a Justice League/Avengers movie seems like it can make more money than they currently have the potential to make on their own, there's absolutely no chance.


Theatrics

Ross U.:

Why the hell is Disney only releasing the Episode VII trailer in nine fucking theaters? What's the benefit of only letting a few people see it instead of releasing it for everybody? Seriously, what the fuck!?

Rest assured, Disney is getting something out of it. I don't know what, exactly, but yeah, it doesn't benefit them on its face to limit the people who can see this promotional video they've created to get people interested in one of their upcoming films. This is especially true when you realize someone — or many someones — are going to take bootlegs of the trailer and upload them to YouTube, meaning that most people will be watching a shitty asscam of the far left of the third row instead of a quality version.

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I read somewhere that part of Regal getting the trailer was that it would make Disney's Big Hero 6 the first film of the day, but if that's the case I don't know why they made this agreement for only nine theaters. I'm sure Regal would rather have the Episode VII trailer showing in all its theaters — that'd sell a hell of a lot more tickets for them — and surely if Disney wants Big Hero 6 to air first in nine theaters, it would prefer it to air first in 900.

But I don't know. Clearly there's some way Disney is benefiting from limiting the trailer in this way, beyond "building buzz" because it's fucking Star Wars: Episode VII. It has all the buzz already. The trailer could be nothing but J.J. Abrams humping Chewbacca's leg for 88 seconds, aired on a scratched up iPhone for seven people waiting at a Scranton, Pennsylvania bus station, and it would still have all the buzz.


Gloom and Doom

Doombot:

Hi Mr. Postman,

I am that one guy who is happy Marvel doesn't have the rights to everything, I am also that guy who is taking the wait and see(a trailer first) on FF. I am also that guy who believes the Doom changes are solid in my opinion. And I'm not trolling, I truly believe Marvel cant' be trusted with everything they sold off and now the fans want back. I believe without a doubt The New FF is too much of a secret without even a trailer to judge. I also believe that this version of Doom may be better than most people believe.

For those wondering why I'm so okay with doom being "changed", in 616 comics Doom is gypsy born guy who THEN assumes power after he's kicked out of school due to a rogue experiment. Now I believe this is covering that area it's covering in dooms career the ascent to the Throne after the accident. Now as for him going on blogs and everything, he's a programmer he may be testing his programs and maybe something a little more malicious. As for Latveria, an Ex-soviet absorbed country that fell into poverty and hasn't recovered. You can see a picture of something more in tune with the Doom you know can't you? and I'm talking pre-powers.... THAT is what I heard when I heard "Victor Domashev, Anti-social programmer who uses the handle doom".

You raise a good point about Doom; certainly his beginnings in the comic were more humble than the terrifyingly powerful techno-sorcerer-dictator he would become later. That could well be what the movie is trying to replicate.

But that doesn't mean there's still a problem. However the official comics began his origin, when people think of Doom they think of the ruthless ruler of Latveria who can battle almost any superhero team to a standstill by himself. That's the iconic view of Doom, and any Fantastic Four movie abandons that concept at its own peril (which is to say, fan bitching). Besides, even the comics rushed through Doom's origin as quickly as possible to get to the villain in the iron mask, because that's what people want to see. The way the reboot makes it sound, it's going to take quite some time before we see Doom in the mask, and that does not sound fun. I don't want to see Doom blogging, I want to see him kicking ass. Make sense?

But the biggest problem here, I think, is the blogging. Doom is Marvel's pre-eminent villain, and it doesn't matter if he's the world's most dangerous programmer with a legion of evil robots that do his bidding — the minute you say Doom blogs is the minute it becomes impossible to take him seriously. Blogging just sounds inherently frivolous, and is completely unsuited to an evil mastermind. Can you imagine Loki blogging? Or Magneto? No, nor should you. The same holds true with Doom.

There are just some things a villain can't do and remain a credible bad guy, and blogging is one of them. Being a dance instructor is another.


No Wayne No Gain

Another Tallguy:

Hi there Postman of An Undetermined Apocalyptic future. (No fate but what we make, right?)

Watching Gotham (and still enjoying it more than I should) I have been led to the following question: In generally accepted continuity who has had legal custody of Bruce Wayne before he was 18? I've always kind of gathered that he was raised by Alfred Pennyworth. But was Alfred a legal guardian?

With a fortune at stake as large as the Wayne's you would think that there would too many Nefarious Forces or at least Good Men Sorely Tempted to be able to leave an 8-12 year old to be raised quietly by his kindly butler. Does Child Protective Services ever pop by Stately Wayne Manor to check on Master Wayne's upbringing? You'd think that his day-to-day life might get a little more scrutiny. Was Alfred actively engaged in paying off the right people so that Bruce might someday develop into the bastion of mental health he will become, free of the interference of concerned society?

Apparently when Batman first started out, it was said that he was raised by his uncle George, and it was later that he employed Alfred as his butler. Eventually that was retconned into Alfred becoming his legal guardian after the Waynes died, since that gives them a much deeper relationship in the present day (also, who the fuck is Uncle George?).

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But it makes sense. The Waynes would have wanted to make sure their fortune passed to their son, and they would have wanted someone trustworthy to watch over the money and Bruce if something should happen to them. In fact, in order to make sure Bruce got the money, someone would have to be in charge of the estate until he came of age, and the money's big enough that they and the lawyers would have wanted to nail it down, despite the seeming unlikelihood of both Waynes dying. Traditionally, Thomas and Martha have no other family members to look after Bruce, so Alfred is not only the logical choice but the choice by default.

As for people trying to get a hold of Bruce or the Wayne fortune, the Waynes had more than enough money floating around Gotham, especially in Wayne Corp., that people fought over that money rather than the $ left to Bruce. As for Child Protective Services, I'm sure Bruce looked like he was being raised in a loving home at least until he skipped town to go train forever, at which point he was either 18 or he was gone and Child Protective Services couldn't really do anything about it.

I don't think this has ever really come up in the comic, because it's not really an exciting part of Batman's origin. So I'm sure it'll be a major plot point in an upcoming season of Gotham.


Up and Atom

~ J. Lex:

G'day, Postman.

Brandon Routh has been killing it as Ray Palmer on Arrow, IMO. Think there's any chance CW adds a show based on The Atom to their TV lineup?

Weirdly, yeah. As insane as it feels to be typing these words, I can actually imagine an Atom TV show joining the CW DC TV-verse, and I think it would be pretty good. I agree that Brandon Routh has been killing it, and I can say with all honesty this is the first time I've ever given a shit about The Atom.

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There are only two problems I can see: 1) The special effects for the Atom's power may be too expensive for a CW show, and 2) I'm guessing the CW would rather make shows based on better known DC characters before The Atom, like the rumored Supergirl series. But maybe the network execs are watching Arrow and thinking they have another potential spin-off on their hands, or maybe next season they'll want yet another DC show since they're doing so well. It's not actually impossible!


Batches of the Universe

Gargant:

Two questions, and being master of pop culture penises and a huge He-Fan I know you'll have the answer.

When Prince Adam turns into He-Man, does his other "power sword" get bigger too? (I mean his penis.) Also, is Skeletor rocking anything down there, or is he a skeleton underneath his loincloth too?

Man, the things I could tell you about the genitals of ALL the Masters of the Universe. I'd blow your damn mind.

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Let me start with Skeletor. While his head is a floating skull, the rest of his body is fine. He's a blue-skinned dude (long story), which means he's pretty much as underdressed as He-Man is, and which also means he's completely equipped below the belt. Hey, there has to be a reason Evil-Lyn keeps hanging around him, and it's sure as hell not his winning personality.

As for He-Man… Dude. HIS NAME IS HE-MAN. I don't care how strong, tan or muscled he may be; you literally do not get that name unless you're packing some serious penile firepower down there.


Do you have questions about anything scifi, fantasy, superhero, or nerd-related? Email the postman@io9.com! No question too difficult, no question too dumb! Obviously!