Why "Boob Plate" Armor Would Actually Kill You

Illustration for article titled Why Boob Plate Armor Would Actually Kill You

Boob-shaped armor doesn't just look utterly ridiculous — it would actually result in your immediate death, probably the first time you tried to wear it into a fight.

Over at Tor.com, Emily Asher-Perrin has a great takedown of the "boob-plate armor" concept, pointing out that the purpose of armor is to deflect blows. Having that big space between the breasts just diverts the blow directly towards the center of your breastbone. She adds that even falling down while wearing this sort of armor could shatter your breastbone: "You are wearing armor that acts as a perpetual spear directed at some of your most vulnerable body parts."

The whole thing is well worth checking out. [Tor.com]

Image via Pikdit.

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James Whitbrook

Okay it's really bothering me, but I'm pretty sure the woman in that picture is actually Lara Croft from Tomb Raider Underworld. Bad artist whoever stole that (Also what is wrong with me that I can tell that!?). In fact, bad artist in general because sheesh, those proportions are almost Liefieldian in their wrongness!

Anyhoo, my favourite decently armored lady in recent memory? Aveline Vallen from Dragon Age II. The majority of the female armor in the game is actually practical looking (for the purposes of this debate, let's ignore Isabela when I say that) in terms of not having a 'boob plate', and typically armor worn by women (especially looking at the uniforms of Kirkwall's city guards and the Templars) is exactly the same as that worn by men. Also helps that Aveline is a right Brienne-esque tanky BAMF.