What we're dying to see from ABC's Edgar Allan Poe crime procedural TV series

Illustration for article titled What were dying to see from ABCs Edgar Allan Poe crime procedural TV series

ABC has greenlit a historical cop show starring Edgar Allan Poe, world-famous poet and pioneer of science fiction and horror, as the world's first detective. It will be set during the 1840s in Boston. Here's what the show must include.

According to TV Guide the series, which is titled Poe, will explain how Poe's famous stories came to be — through old-fashioned sleuthing! But not every episode will directly tie into a Poe story.

The series pilot was written by Alias' Chris Hollier, who is producing the story along with Dan Lin (who produced the recent Sherlock Holmes film). So it's got a lot of good people behind it, but we're still not 100% sold. There is only one way to do an Edgar Allan Poe mystery series right: Grasp the schlocky genre ridiculousness with both hands, but don't go full Goth. Think Robert Downey Jr.'s Sherlock meets Johnny Depp's Ichabod Crane — only with more Steampunk, and a dash of Castle.


Our list of demands from the Edgar Allan Poe Detective series, Poe

  • A tattoo of a raven somewhere on his body (preferably on his inner forearm) which is later revealed to have some sort of mysterious dark meaning or connection (a secret cult, a burglar gang, who knows? That's really second season stuff). This hints at the dark and shadowy past of our anti-hero.
  • Naturally our hero is shy about showing this, and has some sort of sexy leather wrist band strap to cover it up. Just think of the merchandising deals at HOT TOPIC!
  • Steampunk sunglasses, which he invented.
  • A nerdy, but adorable, lab tech buddy. She's the brains behind the operation and named Hillary Pennyfold Lovecraft. But everyone just calls her HP. GET IT? Her lab is stocked with snakes, spiders, and sea beasts she spends her time trying to crossbreed together.
  • A cameo from the goth guy on IT Crowd
  • A generous use of puns that directly link to past Poe titles, uttered by Poe DIRECTLY into the camera. Poe leans over the cold body, searching for clues. Stumped he looks up and says, "Well this heart certainly isn't telling any tales." End Scene.
  • A no nonsense best friend that he's in love with but afraid to reveal his true feelings to, named Lenore.
  • Poe with a sexy face stubble/beard, which he later shaves into a mustache in a metaphorically important character moment. Thus becoming the Poe that the world knows (this moment is saved for either the first episode or the final).
  • Black cat pet.
  • Martial arts skills.
  • A Gorey animation credit sequence.
  • Cameos from other historical poets and authors of the past (who aid Poe in his crime solving). For example, Herman Melville helps out with the Mystery On The Docks episode. Because he knows a lot about boats, for plot reasons.
  • Catch phrase: Nevermore (putting on steampunk sunglasses for emphasis not required but encouraged).
  • Casual references to future technology. "What's he calling it? An I PAD you say? BAH that will never catch on!"

[Wallpaper image via 323 design]

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A cameo from the goth guy on IT Crowd

He's got a NAME.

I don't remember it either. I wish he'd stay behind the red door, he makes me uncomfortable.