What the Hell Is the Opening Crawl for The Last Jedi Going to Be?

Illustration for article titled What the Hell Is the Opening Crawl fori The Last Jedi /iGoing to Be?

This week Star Wars fans finally found out the title of Episode VIII: The Last Jedi. It sparked mountains of speculation, including whether “Jedi” is singular or plural, whom it’s referring to, and more. Then, thanks to a photo from director Rian Johnson, the conversation turned to the opening crawl—and the problem it faces.

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The Last Jedi will be the first Star Wars film with no time having passed between it and the last film. At least one year has passed between every previous Star Wars movie—usually more—but Johnson confirmed that The Last Jedi will begin right at the moment The Force Awakens ended. Specifically, this one:

Illustration for article titled What the Hell Is the Opening Crawl fori The Last Jedi /iGoing to Be?
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Here’s the question: What the hell is Episode VIII’s opening crawl going to say if literally nothing has happened since the last movie? Is it just going to recap The Force Awakens? Because that’s not interesting. We’ve seen The Force Awakens—we know what happens in it.

So what the hell could the crawl say if nothing has changed? Well, we have some ideas—eight, in fact (in both in crawl and text form, for your reading convenience).


Illustration for article titled What the Hell Is the Opening Crawl fori The Last Jedi /iGoing to Be?

EPISODE VIII

THE LAST JEDI

About 30 seconds have passed.

REY, a young Jakku scavenger, is holding out her arm to LUKE SKYWALKER, a powerful JEDI knight. In her arm, she’s holding a lightsaber. Luke’s lightsaber. Well, actually it was her dad’s (“His” dad’s. Sorry. Glad we caught that one. Spoiler alert!), but Luke lost it when his dad cut his hand off. Weird family. Anyway, Rey’s arm is starting to get tired....

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Illustration for article titled What the Hell Is the Opening Crawl fori The Last Jedi /iGoing to Be?

EPISODE VIII

THE LAST JEDI

REY has found LUKE SKYWALKER, the legendary JEDI knight who has been missing for years. She has his old lightsaber, one used by Anakin Skywalker in the Clone Wars. They’re on AHCH-TO, an island somewhere off in a far corner galaxy. Luke is wearing gray robes while Rey is wearing tan wraps. Neither character got a 6-inch Black Series action figure. CHEWBACCA and R2-D2 are also here, but they stayed in the MILLENNIUM FALCON. Oh, look, Luke is about to say something….

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Illustration for article titled What the Hell Is the Opening Crawl fori The Last Jedi /iGoing to Be?

EPISODE VIII

THE LAST JEDI

Yes, she’s still standing there. Everything is exactly the same. I mean, you saw The Force Awakens, right?

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Illustration for article titled What the Hell Is the Opening Crawl fori The Last Jedi /iGoing to Be?

EPISODE VIII

THE LAST JEDI

LUKE SKYWALKER has been found by REY, a mysterious scavenger from Jakku who is ready to start using the Force. Luke can’t believe that after all these years, it’s this random girl that found him. Not his sister. Not his best friend. Not even nephew, who has been looking for him. Weird, right?

Speaking of that nephew, KYLO REN was recently injured in a battle with Rey and somehow got off the exploding STARKILLER BASE with the help of GENERAL HUX. Hux and Ren are now in a ship on their way to SUPREME LEADER SNOKE, and Snoke is piiiiiiiiissed. Let’s check in on them, shall we?

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Illustration for article titled What the Hell Is the Opening Crawl fori The Last Jedi /iGoing to Be?

EPISODE VIII

THE LAST JEDI

REY has found LUKE SKYWALKER, the man who is going to help save everyone, and uh... UNKAR PLUTT is Rey’s dad. For real! Actually, no, I’m kidding, I don’t know. I’m just trying to kill some crawl space.

Hey, what the hell was up with CAPTAIN PHASMA, right? She was so damn cool looking and badass, but she ended up being a total pushover and had almost no story. Well, in THE LAST JEDI, she may have more to do. Or she may not!

That’s probably enough text. Let’s watch....


Illustration for article titled What the Hell Is the Opening Crawl fori The Last Jedi /iGoing to Be?

EPISODE VIII

THE LAST JEDI

REY has found LUKE. She’s presented him with the lightsaber he thought he lost decades ago. This is so cool. She’s going to ask Luke to pass the torch to her so they can defeat the FIRST ORDER together and bring balance to the galaxy.

Unfortunately, this is Episode VIII. There’s another movie after this, so Luke and Rey’s chances of beating them right now are basically nil. But at least BENECIO DEL TORO and LAURA DERN are in this one. Let’s roll....

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Illustration for article titled What the Hell Is the Opening Crawl fori The Last Jedi /iGoing to Be?

EPISODE VIII

THE LAST JEDI

Just like the last movie, GENERAL LEIA has sent a young hotshot off to do her dirty work for her. Last time it was POE DAMERON, this time it’s REY. It’s her brother, right? Why doesn’t she go after him? Especially this time when they have a specific location?

And can we learn more about Poe this time, please? He’s the best. So cool and handsome and a great pilot. He and FINN should totally be a thing. In fact, let’s let Luke and Rey stand there in awkward silence for a while longer, and go see what Poe and Finn are doing....

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Seriously, we could do these all day.

But actually, when you think about it, the crawl for The Last Jedi may be the easiest to predict yet. Since so little has changed, there’s not much that needs to be said to set the table—meaning it’s very likely going to be something like this:

Illustration for article titled What the Hell Is the Opening Crawl fori The Last Jedi /iGoing to Be?

EPISODE VIII

THE LAST JEDI

The REPUBLIC has fallen. The FIRST ORDER, led by SUPREME LEADER SNOKE, annihilated the new capital along with countless other planets, and the galaxy is in chaos. In response, the RESISTANCE struck back. Led by GENERAL LEIA ORGANA, a small group destroyed the First Order’s biggest weapon, STARKILLER BASE.

Meanwhile, REY, a mysterious Jakku scavenger, has found the legendary JEDI knight LUKE SKYWALKER. Begging for his help and guidance, she’s presented him with his father’s lightsaber, once thought lost in the depths of Bespin many years ago. But Luke’s nephew, the evil KYLO REN, is searching for the Jedi as well...

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Have your own idea for The Last Jedi’s opening crawl? Feel free to share in the comments!

Entertainment Reporter for io9/Gizmodo

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DISCUSSION

Not an opening crawl, but an observation, made mostly because of the particular angle the still used above takes.

I feel like Rey has got to be breaking all kinds of lightsaber etiquette and safety rules here. The way she is holding out that hilt is sort of threatening when you think about it. She is clearly holding it ‘pointy end’ out, and at what looks like less than a full blade-length from Luke.

That is a bit like trying to hand someone a loaded gun by pointing the barrel directly at their chest, asking them to just grab it, while you still hold the grip with your finger on the trigger guard.