We rate 2011's new crop of supernatural hunks

We've already grown tired of the glistening abs of last year's vampires and werewolves. Edward is cold, and Jacob is yesterday's puppy chow. 2011 is ushering a whole crop of shirtless, sweaty supernatural playthings just ripe for our ranking. So here they are the best — and the worst — of the year's new supernatural specimens, ready for your objectification.

Reminder the creatures on this list are the year's NEW vampires, werewolves, warlocks and sexy little shirtless Belgian beings. So no Cullens, or super famous actors that already have a place on the midnight mind-reel — sorry, folks. Each creature's sex appeal is ranked by Michael J. Fox Teen Wolf heads — Fox may not have been the first sexy teen supernatural, but he was certainly a founding member of the "werewolves we'd like to fuck" club.


Red Riding Hood's Peter

Who: Shiloh Fernandez
Supernatural Power: Werewolf?
Why they've got the magic stick: Amanda Seyfried's time as our main supernatural sex object might be over, now that she has to contend with this smoldering werewolf boy. Granted, Catherine Hardwicke's movie doesn't flat-out say that he's a werewolf, but we all know that only a supernatural creature could pull off the "belly button V-neck, riding boots, man jewelry and cape" ensemble. Most of his lines from the film's trailer smack of the typical wishy-washy "we can't, we shouldn't, we will!" monster dialogue. Plus, his name is SHILOH, he has everything going against him, from the clothes to being sidled with a name that brings back childhood memories of a beagle pup — and yet look at that mug. The clothes, the look, the delivery... if this fella isn't worthy of midnight dreams of riding naked on a giant wolf, then we don't know who is!
Why this mythical beast is merely mediocre: Seyfried still has the potential to out shine anyone paired with her. Have you seen Chloe? Damn.
Teen Wolf Heads: 9/10

Immortals' Theseus

Who: Henry Cavill
Supernatural Power: Demigod
Why they've got the magic stick:Greased up God abs that don't quit. Tarsem Singh had the brilliant foresight to put all of his Godly men from Immortalsin itty bitty kilts, or battle skirts, we're not sure what they're called exactly. Which means at some point Theseus will be rolling around with a Minotaur man. Think of the potential Grecian upskirts.
Why this mythical beast is merely mediocre:He's not going to be "new" for much longer (was just cast in Zack Snyder's Superman as the man of steel) so get ogling before he goes mainstream and loses all of his masturbatory integrity.
Teen Wolf Heads: 9/10


MTV's New Teen Wolf

Who:Tyler Posey
Supernatural Power: Werewolf
Why they've got the magic stick: Look, Tyler, we thought you were great as the little kid with the heart of gold in Maid In Manhattan, but this thing is an abomination. You seem really nice, and you're pretty cute. It's not you, it's us. Everything about this MTV reboot just makes us want expose ourselves during the big game and ruin every shot possible.
Why this mythical beast is merely mediocre: They changed the werewolf sport of choice from basketball to lacrosse — sorry, we're out.
Teen Wolf Heads: 1/10


Vamps' Goody and Stacy

Who: Alicia Silverstone and Krysten Ritter
Supernatural Power: Vampires
Why they've got the magic stick: While this set photo may not be the most flattering shot of Amy Heckerling's two vampire leads filming on the set of Vamps, we're already sold. Heckerling's past work speaks for itself. We expect the vampire queens to be witty and impeccably dressed. And we're eagerly anticipating all their charming vampire foibles. If anyone can save the vampire genre from itself, these women can.
Why this mythical beast is merely mediocre: Both Silverstone and Ritter are going to have to bow to queen vampire Sigourney Weaver when she makes her appearance on screen.
Teen Wolf Heads: 8/10


The Smurf Movie's Brainy Smurf

Who: Fred Armisen (voice)
Supernatural Power: Smurfitude
Why they've got the magic stick: We tire of the Papa Smurf worship, and obligatory leers at Smurfette. These Smurfs try too hard. Our love goes to Brainy Smurf. He's intelligent, witty, and probably has a deep wealth of emotions just under the surface dying to be tapped by the right girl, or boy. He's a sensitive creature, and the brains of the Smurf outfit, hence the name Brainy. Plus, we can't resist a blue being in spectacles.
Why this mythical beast is merely mediocre: He's got some stiff competition with Gutsy Smurf.
Teen Wolf Heads: 10/10


Being Human's Aidan

Supernatural Power: Vampire
Why they've got the magic stick:Witwer's a hottie genre mainstay with the acting chops to match, and the writers are falling all over themselves to devise new and inventive ways to get this actor to take his shirt off on camera. And rightly so — the boy was practically sculpted out of alabaster.
Why this mythical beast is merely mediocre: Not a solid 10/10 because Josh, his roommate werewolf from the series should get a point for his adorable puppy-ish ways.
Teen Wolf Heads: 9/10


Jack & Diane

Who: Riley Keough and Juno Temple
Supernatural Power: Werewolves?
Why they've got the magic stick: Lesbian werewolf lovers. And one of them is Elvis' granddaughter. Do we really need to go on?
Why this mythical beast is merely mediocre: While we're eagerly cheering a on two ladies for infiltrating the mostly boys werewolf genre, we have a sinking feeling that this movie will never see the light of day. If it does, we'll be the first to say sorry, because we don't want Elvis' supremely hot granddaughter to be mad at us. Call us!
Teen Wolf Heads: 7/10


Beastly's Kyle

Who: Alex Pettyfer
Supernatural Power: The power of ugly?
Why they've got the magic stick: He's rich, has a cocky attitude that we respond to, and is dying to be taught a lesson.
Why this mythical beast is merely mediocre: This Beauty and the Beast reboot transforms Perryfer from blondie rich boy bald tattooed Brooklynite. So tattoos and Brooklyn = Beast? Yeah, no thanks. Hopefully he can make it up to us with sexy alien light hands in I Am Number Four (and no, that movie doesn't count, because it's not supernatural, he's an alien).
Teen Wolf Heads: 5/10



Who: Chris Hemsworth
Supernatural Power: Norse God, super strength, speed, perfectly conditioned hair.
Why they've got the magic stick: Sure he's an alien, but he's also a Norse God, so it counts. And the new Thor has it all: hair, muscles, tank tops that stay glued to his muddy abs oh-so-perfectly in the rain....
Why this mythical beast is merely mediocre: Some people are turned off by that so perfect it hurts, God-on-Earth thing. But we're okay with it.
Teen Wolf Heads: 8/10


Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters' Gretel

Who: Gemma Arterton
Supernatural Power: Magic
Why they've got the magic stick: We love the idea of this film, "Catching up with Hansel and Gretel 15 years after their incident involving a gingerbread house, the siblings have evolved into bounty hunters who hunt witches." We also love the fact that it stars the criminally underused Gemma Arterton. She's gorgeous and has a voice that sticks on you like honey. Plus it could be a lot of fun to watch her as a witch-fighting bad ass magician. We're thinking Lara Croft with wands.
Why this mythical beast is merely mediocre: We're not holding our breath for this movie to get released, but with the recent onslaught of fairy tale movies and TV shows it has a chance. But that also means we may have Grimm-lash by the time this flick gets greenlit.
Teen Wolf Heads: 6/10


Dorothy of Oz's Marshall Mallow

Who: Hugh Dancy (Voice)
Supernatural Power: The power of the Mallow, makes great sandwiches.
Why they've got the magic stick: He's made out of marshmallows and is in the military. Delicious and sexy. He's also in CHARGE of Candy County, big perk right there. Plus he brazenly goes shirtless under his cute dress blues. We like a marshmallow that isn't afraid to show off the goods.
Why this mythical beast is merely mediocre: Depends on his expiration date.
Teen Wolf Heads: 7/10


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