This week we posted America Under Communism, a propaganda comic about life in Soviet America. Here's If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?, probably the only evangelical Christian grindhouse horror movie ever made about life in Commie America.


This 1971 film was directed by exploitation film director Ron Ormond. Prior to surviving a plane crash in 1968, Ormond's oeuvre consisted mostly of films like the science fiction sleazefests The Monster and the Stripper and Mesa of Lost Women. These films contained lurid scenarios, lascivious ladies, and seemingly no production budget. Post-plane crash, Ormond discovered religion and his film output become way more Jesus-centric. However the director couldn't escape his exploitation roots — even his religious films, such as his later flick The Burning Hell, carried that Z-Grade veneer.

If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?, which is based on the teachings of the fire-and-brimstone Reverend Estus Pirkle, depicts a United States under the thrall of Communist overlords. This is no flight of fancy, mind you. The film claims that if miniskirts, rock-and-roll, premarital sex, and other forms of secular fun are not replaced by nationwide piousness, the United States will be taken over by a Red fifth column by 1973. Once the Commies are in power, they'll brainwash us with uncreative chants and uncomfortable benches.

A version of that chant was famously sampled and looped by the experimental sound collage group Negativland. Here's another example of the gleeful torture porn of If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?

And for those of you who are gluttons for punishment, here's the whole movie. Hat tip goes out to LightningLouie for recommending this dystopian trashterpiece.


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