This week, everybody's getting some — even the animals. Plus, Sookie continues her life-long pursuit to ruin the lives of everyone she meets, and there's a Viking flashback.
This week's episode treats us to another big fat reveal in the first few seconds, just like old times. Sadly the rest of this week's episode is mainly set up and closure (both good and bad). Good, because... well, Sarah and Jason finally touched each other's holy places (more her to him, but you know what I mean) and bad, because we met all these fancy big city vampires and there just wasn't enough time to get to know them and their fancy rich cowboy clothes. Oh, and Godric? I approve. But let's get on with it, because there are some things we have to discuss, True Blood — like never, ever making a "balls" pun ever again.
The Pros And Cons Of Last Night's True Blood
Pro: I like the idea that Daphne drunk means she'll just spew out anything in her mind... ZOMG, deer people. Aw, I like her so much better as a deer. Also how cute is it when Sam was all "Hi there!" to the deer. He really does have a puppy persona. But seriously if they have deer-on-dog-on-deer sex, I'm not going to watch that.
Pro: Arlene and Terry together are cute and they seem good to one another. Good: Terry needs some attention.
Pro: Listening in on a glamour was interesting. I hope that if it ever happens to me, it's not that music, though.
Pro: Sookie getting "This is Dallas, baby"-ied. Wake up, lady — you can't just run around screaming "Mind reader!"
Pro: Jessica and the eating-disorder dig. I never thought of that, maybe she could?
Pro: Bill trying to get Sookie to understand anything. Hasn't she proved to you, time and again, that she is an idiot who will pretty much do the opposite of what you tell her? It's upsetting to watch him explain right and wrong to her. She's not listening — sigh — oh, and now they are going to have sex again. Ugh. I'm tired of these two and their frolicking. I need new True Blood sex, please. And no — Tara and Eggs do not count.
Pro: Hoyt and Jessica's phone conversation. Sigh, I miss those days "really, really." This is super cute. Darn the whole star-crossed lovers nonsense, I'm rooting for these two. They are the most realistic thing on this show.
Con: Training begins for Jason, so of course it's time to bring out the tired old drill sergeant cliche who calls people "fangbangers" instead of "fags". So far, I'm not sold on it.
Con: Tara and Eggs pillow talk. I don't know what's worse: the soft guitar background music, or these two together. They even spooned out towards the camera with big "we're happy because we had sex" grins. Every time these two finish a scene, I half expect them to take a bow after wards and yell out "Acting!"
Con: Ah, Sookie has never heard of a Continental breakfast —really? But never mind with that — there are lives to ruin. So the scared boy tells you "please don't tell people I'm a telepath, because I'm afraid they will kill me?" Let's go downstairs and spout off around his secret all over his place of employment. Nothing bad will come of this.
Con: Sookie, if you want to be called a woman, you need to start acting like an adult.
Pro: I really hope Lafayette isn't all messed up in the head, because I really miss him, and the show isn't the same without him, but then again, who wouldn't be? Feel better, L — we're rooting for you and your sassy return, whenever you feel it's right.
Pro: Oh, I like this Maryann twist, her moving in. Ok, okay, color me interested. And of course Tara will let them move in because she's terrible, and Eggs is terrible and they can all be terrible together.
Pro: Nathan Stark is a vampire. It's so hot, I don't even know what to do with myself. Plus who doesn't love how lame Sookie and Bill are in front of them. "Respect her!" Ah you two are the eternal downers.
Pro: Ah, the first little crack in the Newlin relationship. Sarah is unhappy, and Steve doesn't care, it's like a real marriage! Also there was some unnecessary shoulder touching going on — what is this all about? Steve, are you using your religion as a beard?
Pro: Jason and Sarah. it's. about. damn. time. Did anyone else have a hard time watching this with friends around? I found myself saying, "Whew, yeah...so.... that was....huh....yeah..." You have to love how Sarah almost attempts to justify her actions as rewarding Jason. Jesus. I'm proud of Jason for saying no the first time, he's come so far guys. Also, thank you, True Blood, for giving us sexy time other than Sookie and Bill.
Pro: Eric the viking: surprisingly masculine. They are really setting him up to just steamroll over boring Bill, aren't they?
Pro: Godric is pretty fantastic. This would be the first True Blood flashback that didn't make me want to claw my eyes out — the first being the Civil War slut scene between Bill and his maker. I would like to meet more of these ancient vampires, and I'm pretty sure we will this season.
Pro: Rich country vampires! First of all Ed Quinn as a vampire...there aren't even words. Even in the silly cowboy get-up with the so-so accent and jerky attitude, it was...well thanks everyone. Hand-shakes around the room for everyone who worked on casting this, because it made my night. But there was hardly enough. I want more awkward "we're not used to dealing with humans" banter, and silly Texas outfits. The more vampires we start meeting (that aren't from the sassy punk nest during the first season), the more vampires I want to see.
Pro: Sookie's big-city make up.
Con: Oh god my ears. Just after that lovely flashback scene, you give me the balls and rack pool pun. You are better than this, Alan Ball. You can even see the disdain in the actors eyes while delivering it. It's like their skin is peeling. Just awful. See look I've already totally forgotten the things Daphne was saying about other shapeshifters and werewolves — just undoing the work you do beforehand, really.
Con: Hey the bell hop "quit" or did you get him killed, Sookie? Did that even cross your mind?
Pro: Maryann dressed up as the grandma, oh dear. This really made me laugh in a creepy, "Ok sure why not" kind of way. Tarahis stupid not to see through this ridiculous act. If I came home and the weird rich 40-something woman who always dressed up in beautiful dresses and jewelry was in a drab grandma dress, I would kick her the hell out immediately. At least they are attempting to make her more interesting. Let's hope this works.
Pro: So this is Bill's ex-girlfriend, right? Okay, just checking. Not sure what else to think of her, besides that. We'll have to wait until next week, I guess. Not really the awesome cliffhanger we're used to.
Con: Has anyone been keeping tabs on Jessica this whole time?
And for all of you who made it to the end of this little crazy rant/review/procon hootinanny here's a treat: Ed Quinn in a cowboy hat: