I didn't think the latest True Blood episode could possibly live up to last's weeks crazy vampire dentistry session, but I was wrong. What it lacked in blood, guts and gore, it made up for with twisty plot reveals and whiny baby vampire births. Spoilers ahead.This week, Bill begrudgingly "makes" whiny-faced Jessica. While I'm not a huge fan of her acting, I'm very excited about the prospect of watching a newbie vamp make their way in the world, since Eric and Bill are either too moral or too boring at the present time. I hope Eric takes her out and lets her unleash, as she dines aplenty on the necks of Louisiana, but then complains when it's time for bed. In other news, Jason bottomed out at the precinct, allowing himself to be jailed, but we know who the real flowy haired murderer is! Also, Sam and Sookie hang out and proceed to annoy me to no end. They are possibly two of the most self centered characters in a show about people who kill humans for lunch. Where's the pig lady in the road when you need her? The Pros And Cons Of True Blood: Pro: Bouncer chick kicks dead Jessica into a dirty grave. True Blood certainly loves to cover their characters in mulch. Pro, for finally giving the bouncer girl some attitude. I was worried she was just an old vamp squeezed into a Forever 21 top. And another Pro for not making Bill and Jessica recreate their disgusting dirt sex that would clearly cause hygiene problems for all involved, but Con for making me think about it again. Pro: "But the lady and the pig, that was real," drunken argument from Tara is hilarious and I'm going to use that line, thank you very much. Pro: Down the disposal with Stephen Root. While I'm sad that Eddie the lovable old gay vamp is dead, I'm loving that his final resting place is down the garbage disposal. Pro: Terry. Granted, his veteran-with-problems character is a little one dimensional, but I can see some growth in his banter, little by little. I have a feeling we will be seeing Walter Bishop-esque lines from him in the future after this classic dialog: "I can't listen to politicians anymore, I get a seizure. Can we put it on my home decor show now?" Pro: One big fat pro for pie houses. I would kill for a good pie diner in New York, especially when they come with awesome hat-wearing customers who pick out pie for you. Pro: The vampire politico side-plot not only allowed us to see Lafayette all clean-cut, looking hard core angry and vengeful in a suit, but I'm very interested in the anti-vampire league. I've been hoping that Ball would bring in the rest of the world a bit more, and hopefully this is the window into crazy soap boxing and angry preachers. Pro: Amy had a French maid. Of course she did. Pro: Jessica, I like her. She's a little whiny, but I suspect this was the way the character was written. She is supposed to be irritating. True, I wish she was a lot older, but you know this girl is going to be naked faster than Eric can find more tiny tank tops. So I'm assuming there was a legal issue here. I love Bill's look of disgust when she whines and dances around in front of him. This episode is her one free pass — next week, if she hasn't dropped the nasal voice, we'll talk some more. Overall, I'm enjoying the fact that Bill made someone into a monster that actually likes it (as predictable as this plot was.) Pro: Michelle Forbes as Maryann. I'm expecting great things from you BSG alum and hard talking chica. It's a bit of a trip to see her being all kindly to down-and-out Tara, but I know it won't last.
Pro: Holy hell, Rene is the bad guy? I...I...I...I don't know what to think. First I was in love with his "take-charge breadwinner, yet still a softie at heart" attitude. So he's a cold-blooded killer, and yet now I'm MORE attracted to him? What is wrong with me? It could be the more-gorgeous-than-words feathered hair picture, but whoa, Michael Raymond-James, hello. So do you think Rene will be a good bad guy? I think yes. He's the only one who has even attempted to master an accurate accent, so hopefully he will put the same kind of work into his crazy killing spree attitude. Con: Vampers. Shame on you, Ball — too easy. Con: Sookie is so mad at Bill she could spit, because he ditched. I'm aware that she doesn't see what he's going through right now, but man, could she be more self absorbed? Plus, he's been gone like what, five days tops, and she immediately hops into the arms of Sam. Has she no loyalty at all? If not to Bill than to her best friend? Or does she just needs attention all the time or she'll die. Con: Amy's death. Bad move, Ball. Amy was a fantastic character, far and away one of my favorite bad people of all time. She's all the evils of our overzealous post-inconvenient truth world. This means no more jargon about carbon footprints or justifications for her wrong doings with the fact that she spent time helping poor people while on spring break. Amy is an actual human being that walks and talks on the streets of society, she was a new skewer, a breath of fresh air on this show. Now she's dead, I guess we'll go back to the two-dimensional bad folk of yester-tv. Con: Tara's mom is no longer any fun now that's she's off the devil water and on the Jesus juice. Fingers crossed for a relapse.