Tricia Helfer is an evil mind-controller who seduces and destroys

Illustration for article titled Tricia Helfer is an evil mind-controller who seduces and destroys

Tricia Helfer has the most devastating power of all — she can control your mind and body. We say a tearful goodbye to The Cape, and welcome back all of your animated favorites. Bikini-clad ninjas attack! And much, much more.

That's what this week's television has in store for you, if you're willing to take the journey into mystery. Minor spoilers below...


There's another new Chuck at 8 PM on NBC, "Chuck Vs. The First Bank of Evil."

CHUCK AND SARAH PLAN THE ULTIMATE HEIST AT A HIGH-SECURITY BANK - LAUREN COHAN AND RAY WISE GUEST STAR - Chuck (Zachary Levi) pushes Vivian McArthur (guest star Lauren Cohan) to get in touch with her inner villain for a mission. Elsewhere, Sarah (Yvonne Strahovski) tries to get in touch with her inner bride as wedding plans ramp up. Meanwhile, Morgan's (Joshua Gomez) search for a new roommate takes an unexpected turn.


There's also a new episode of the quasi-sciencey House on Fox at 8 PM.

Also at 8, there's a new Adventure Time with Finn and Jake on Cartoon Network ("Death in Bloom"). That's followed by Mad at 8:15, and a new Regular Show at 8:30.

Say goodbye to The Cape, on NBC at 9 PM, with "Razer."

THE CAPE, MAX MALINI AND THE CARNIVAL MISFITS INFILTRATE SCALES AND HIS GANG TO PROTECT PALM CITY- LIL ROMEO, ELLIOT GOULD AND SLAINE GUEST-STAR—Concerned about the protection of his gang's city territory, Scales (Vinnie Jones) makes a controversial pact with Fleming (James Frain) and plans to bring a dangerous villain, Razer (guest star Grant Bowler), to the city. Vince (David Lyons) intercepts Razer's arrival, disguises himself as the villain and infiltrates the inner circle of Scales and his gang. Meanwhile, Fleming battles internally with his alter ego, Chess, and Orwell (Summer Glau) remains in a dreary state, hinting at a uncertain future.


I'm really going to miss this cockamamie show — there's one more episode in the can, but no knowing when it'll actually air. Next Monday, it's the two-hour return of The Event.

Also on at 9 PM: Syfy's remake of the British show Being Human, "I See Your True Colors...And That's Why I Hate You."


At midnight, Cinemax has the latest in the crucial Alien Sex Files III series, Alien Sex Files III: Alien Babes. Has anybody ever actually watched one of these things?


Illustration for article titled Tricia Helfer is an evil mind-controller who seduces and destroys

A new No Ordinary Family airs at 8 PM on ABC, "No Ordinary Love". And this time Lucy Lawless is telling Tricia Helfer to control the Powells' minds:

The mysterious Mrs. X (Lucy Lawless, "Xena: Warrior Princess," "Battlestar Galactica") tasks the sexy - and dangerous - Sophie ("Battlestar Galactica's Tricia Helfer) to cause Jim and George to fall under her spell and make them do whatever she wants them to - which could place Jim's marriage in jeopardy. Meanwhile, Stephanie must decide whether or not to inject a patient with the trilsettum serum and risk turning him into a super in order to retain Dr. King's trust, and Daphne's boyfriend, Chris, begins to have suspicions about the Powell family's abilities.


And then there's another new V at 9 PM on ABC. In "Uneasy Lies The Head," Erica becomes the new worldwide leader of the Fifth Column and leads a risky attack against Anna. Meanwhile, Anna discovers a major obstacle in her plot to destroy the human race. And Ryan tries to sneak onto the mothership and rescue his baby. Here are five sneak peeks!


Sym-Bionic Titan returns to Cartoon Network with a new episode, "Disenfranchised," at 7 PM.


At 11 PM, SOAPNet has another episode of Being Erica, "Bear Breasts."


Syfy has a marathon of Stargate Universe all day, to get you ready for the show's triumphant (well, sort of) return.


All of your favorite shows are on hiatus now that February sweeps month is over — sorry. Console yourself by watching Star Trek: The Motion Picture and Star Trek V: The Final Frontier back to back on Syfy, starting at 8 PM. Or not.

At 10 PM, there's another episode of the superspy comedy Archer, on FX, "Tragical History":

Tired of his colleagues constantly calling him a failure, Cyril agrees to help George Spelvin, a mysterious computer security expert, inject a virus into the ISIS mainframe so Cyril can defeat the virus and be seen as a hero. Not surprisingly, the plan goes awry: Cyril didn't count on sexy, bikini-clad ninjas.



The Cartoon Network has your back, with a bloc starting at 7:00 PM with Young Justice, "Downtime." That's followed by Ben 10: Ultimate Alien at 7:30 PM, and then Generator Rex soon after.

There's a new Smallville on The CW at 8 PM, "Scion":

TESS SURPRISES CLARK - Lionel (John Glover) and Tess (Cassidy Freeman) go head to head in a battle for the Luthor name. Clark (Tom Welling) and Lois (Erica Durance) are stunned by Tess' latest present to them.

At 8:30, there's a new Star Wars: The Clone Wars, "Counterattack."

No new Fringe until March 11 — but the good news is, the show's ratings are holding steady again, and it's doing pretty well for Friday nights.

And also, there's another new Supernatural on The CW at 9 PM, "And Then There Were None":

SAMUEL JOINS UP WITH SAM AND DEAN - Sam (Jared Padalecki), Dean (Jensen Ackles) and Bobby (Jim Beaver) set out in search of The Mother of All's latest monster. While investigating, they run into Samuel (guest star Mitch Pileggi) and Gwen (guest star Jessica Heafey), who are also hunting the creature. Samuel and Bobby get into a heated fight about how to handle the case.


At 10 PM, there's a new (to Americans) episode of Merlin on Syfy, "Eye of the Phoenix."

Or you could also check out the fourth episode of the crowd-sourced TV show Bar Karma on CurrentTV at 10 PM.


There's also a new Onion News Network on IFC at 10 PM, "The Real Obama."


Pretty much all day, the History Channel is showing a marathon of UFO Hunters, Ancient Aliens, and An Alien History of Planet Earth.


Also, Doomsday — the most excellent post-apocalyptic movie with punk-rock cannibals, knights in armor, Mad Max car stunts and so much more — is on FX at 12:30 PM.

Syfy is showing all three Underworld movies, starting at 4:30 PM.

At 9 PM, BBC America has the original British version of Being Human, with "Type 4." It turns out that smart-mouthed drunk girl has more to her than meets the eye.



Fox's animation bloc is back, with The Simpsons at 8 PM, Bob's Burgers at 8:30, Family Guy at 9, and Cleveland Show at 9:30. In the new Simpsons episode, it sounds like Lisa discovers a weird new drug:

After a field trip to the desert, Lisa discovers that the desert water mysteriously makes typically combative creatures get along, so she brings some of the water home as a souvenir. When Grampa moves in with the family after getting kicked out of the retirement home, Homer secretly tests the desert water on Grampa, who is instantly cured of his crankiness. A pharmaceutical representative (guest voice Herzog) gets word of Homer's discovery and quickly tries to replicate the water into a drug, using Grampa as the primary guinea pig. But when the pills get in the wrong hands and are sold on the black market, unexpected side effects of the new drug take an eye-popping toll on the elderly citizens of Springfield, and the Simpsons learn that their new medical cure comes with major consequences.


Sources: San Francisco Chronicle TV section, Futon Critic, TV Guide, and various TV studios.

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The description of the new Simpsons sounds sort of like the short story "The End Of The Whole Mess" by Stephen King.