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Behold a German film that was made by human beings titled Alien Tampon. And yes, the premise is mostly centered around a tampon.

However, I have a few issues with Alien Tampon. First up, women don't just shove things up into our lady bits willy nilly. I don't live in a world where I drop a tampon on the ground, watch that tampon then absorb some sort of indeterminable liquid into it, and think, "5-second rule." And I certainly don't then allow said tampon into my person. But whatever, it's vaginal horror. I get it; we ladies and our downstairs parts are both mesmerizing and horrifying. LOLOLOLOLOL, ALIEN TAMPON.

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Second, does anyone understand the plot to this movie? I did not, because there's the alien tampon thing, then a bunch of people eating the aforementioned tampon. And later there's an army of alien-infected people, but also more aliens in a pen that someone is trying to harness?

Over at the official Alien Tampon website we got the rundown. Apparently the trailer IS the movie. This three-minute trailer is an entire short film created by Max Lais, Hanno von Contzen and Jan Zenkner. And in case you didn't quite follow everything happening in the above video, here's an official breakdown.

A UFO breaks through the earth's atmosphere and falls to the ground. A huge number of police officers and military units are actuated for eliminating the alien threat. A fierce battle against a superior power starts, through forests and cities. Aliens are shot, blood flows, people die.

Away from this global problem Jessica, Nicole, Marie and Denise together with Carmen attend college. The girls have been arguing repeatedly, which culminates in a broil. Carmen drops her handbag in the turmoil, the contents of which are scattered over the stained asphalt. A tampon lands in a puddle of alien blood.

Carmen, humiliated once again, starts crying heavily and inserts the tampon, not noticing the green shimmer. The alien blood is contagious: she mutates and becomes a monster immediately, developing a vicious hunger for rioting, throwing plasma lightning and killing. Among the numerous victims is also Denise.

A cop duo, Wolf and Becker, is sent to investigate into the mysterious murders. Meanwhile, a dodgy scientist, Professor Jackson, learns of Carmen's power and plans to use her for his own purposes while the homeless Bernd begins fighting his own battle against Carmen.

Carmen's strength grows. She "recruits" a fellowship - by a tentacle that shoots out of her mouth and thus infects others with the alien virus. Amongst her army is also the extroverted nurse Rita. Marie, Nicole and Jessica, with the support of their friends Tom, Chris and Boris, and Jessica's grandfather, declare war on Carmen, Rita and their alien allegiance. The clique sets off and battle with a vengeance against the superior power – with the goal to kill Carmen. Here, the paths of her different hunters cross: Bernd joins Chris and Tom while Jackson competes with Wolf and Becker. And at the heart of the chaos - a bloodstained, fluorescent tampon. An alien tampon.

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The creators are hoping that the trailer will prompt press so that the full Alien Tampon movie can get made in Germany, because they want to prove German horror can exist. We're still surprised the very premise of this thing exists. What. The. Fuck.

[via Observation Deck]