Halloween is coming up this weekend, and you still don't have a costume. Luckily, the store-bought costume industry is here for you! This year's weirdest, wrongest and sexiest ready-made Halloween costumes include Sucker Punch, various superheroes... and an inflatable Star Wars costume that you just have to see for yourself. Plus a large number of "steampunk" costumes that will make you cry.
Here are our favorites from among the latest offerings of the cheap-and-insane costume industry.
One day, years from now, your grandchildren will ask you what it was like to live at the peak of Western civilization, and the only thing you'll be able to say is, "They had pre-fab plastic-and-nylon costumes for every crappy movie and superhero movie franchise that came out. In those days you could be a sexy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, a sexy Power Ranger or a sexy "steampunk vampire" with almost no effort on your part. It was all right there." And your grandchildren won't understand. Unless the internet still exists and you can show them these images.
All pictures via Spirit Halloween.
The Walking Dead. That's Rick Grimes, Patient Zombie, Zombie Girl, and the teen Rick Grimes costume.
Black Swan, plus a random Merlottes waitress uniform. Just because.
Captain America and the Red Skull
Green Lantern. There's no new Hal Jordan costume, because one came out last year. But the Sinestro and Kilowog masks will give you nightmares. And there's "random sexy female Green Lantern" too.
Male and female Marvin the Martian costumes. Why not?
Two Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Leonardo and Michelangelo, plus Kitana and Mileena from Mortal Kombat
Pink Ranger and Red Ranger from Power Rangers, plus Lion-O from Thundercats
Random fantasy babes, in descending order of WTFness. There's Unicorn Girl, I Dream of Jeannie, Snow White, and Sexy Red Riding Hood.
Random WTF costumes. There's Sexy Medusa, Zombie Ninja (!), and Sexy Witch. I like that somebody sat around the breakroom at the costume shop brainstorming "zombie ninja!"
More random WTF. There's "Lust in Space" girl. There's sexy COBRA girl from G.I. Joe, and then Rainbow Brite.
More random WTF. On the far left is the sexy warrior Ophelia Booty. No, really. That's her name. Then there's Galaxy Girl. Then, because I didn't know where else to stick them, there's Fiona from Shrek, and then Tim Burton's Corpse Bride.
For some reason, there's a new Red Mist costume — last year we had Hit-Girl and Kick-Ass. And there's the weirdest looking Sonic costume ever.
A collection of Robot babes. There's Rosie the Jetsons' maid. Yeah, I know. And that's Robo-Babe and Robo-Bing. No, I don't know what that means either.
The Star Wars costumes. And yes, that's an inflatable Tauntaun. You can't unsee that.
For some reason, there are a lot of new steampunk costumes. Someone really needs to wear these to a steampunk convention and film people's reactions. On the far left is "Sir Steampunk." Then there's Steampunk General. And then Steampunk Vampiress. And finally Sexy Steampunk lady.
Three Sucker Punch costumes, plus a random Megan Fox from Jonah Hex. They didn't think we needed the Megan Fox costume last year — now, suddenly, we do.
You didn't think superheroine costumes could get skankier? Ha ha ha ha. That's sexy Wolverine on the far right. I like sexy Batgirl, because criminals are a superstitious and horny lot.
Thor costumes, including deluxe Thor and regular crappy Thor.
In previous years, there were Transformers costumes for women, but not for men. Now guys can be Bumblebee and Megatron too.
Sexy Vampire girls. The one second to left has the best facial expression, like "I am calling my modeling agent right after this shoot is finished."
For some reason, there are some new versions of classic characters this year. Including Ghostbusters, Comedian from Watchmen, and Edward Scissorhands.