What’s on TV this week? Werewolves, lions, and interplanetary nuns! It’s also Shark Week, so brace yourselves for more terrible shark science. Also: The Strain and Dominion return for their new seasons. All this and Mark Hamill, on this week’s TV!

Tonight:

Return of the Great White Serial Killer (9 PM, DISCOVERY)

Close the beaches, because Shark Week is kicking things off with a documentary referencing a Bloodhound Gang single from the Scary Movie soundtrack. Can’t say I’m not intrigued!

Teen Wolf (10 PM, MTV)

Scott stops a shapeshifter from stalking Sheriff Stilinski! Also: The Doctors will see you now…

The Whispers (10PM, ABC)

Looks like we’re finally getting some answers about the mysterious Drill...

“The Archer” – An astonishing breakthrough is made about Drill while Claire gathers together and talks to a group of children who have been contacted by it, and Wes makes a chilling discovery about Drill’s possible mission.”

Alien Sharks: Close Encounters: (10 PM, DISCOVERY)

Hunting for glow-in-the-dark sharks! Skyrocket Toys makes a pretty good one, actually. It’s called “Illumivor”.

Shark After Dark (11 PM, DISCOVERY)

Join Eli Roth each night this week at eleven for the only shark-specific talk show on television. Guests include shark researchers Paul Clerkin and Kevin O’Donnell, filmmaker Kevin Smith, and special make-up effects artist, Greg Nicotero.


Tuesday:

Marvel’s Ultimate Spider-Man: Web-Warriors (8 PM, DISNEY XD)

“Spider-Man’s education at S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy begins. But Spidey’s academic career might be cut short when a villain is awoken from hibernation and sets his sights on destroying S.H.I.E.L.D.”

The “villain awoken from hibernation” is Mark Hamill, making his debut as Arnim Zola— the Nazi-torso-television. Set that DVR, now!

Stitchers (8PM, ABC FAMILY)

The second (and second best) murder mystery procedural of the year on the sensitive subject of brain-jacking the recently deceased.

“The Stitchers team investigates a mysterious car accident that resulted in the death of a traumatic brain injury researcher. Meanwhile, Kirsten asks Linus for help deciphering a clue left by Ed Clark as she continues to question Maggie for more information on the origin of the Stitchers program.”

Bride of Jaws (8PM, DISCOVERY)

Documentary about the search for “Joan of Shark”, the largest female Great White ever tagged. AMC is also wisely airing Jaws II earlier the same day. It’s at 3:00PM.

Zoo (9PM, CBS)

This episode is called “Fight or Flight”, and if you missed last week: Nonso Anozie has been kidnapped by a pride of lions!

“After Jackson Oz rescues his best friend, Abraham Kenyatta, from a lion attack in Botswana, Abraham’s firsthand account of the attack reveals that the lions are no longer afraid of humans and might be killing for sport. Also, Jamie and Mitch run tests on a lion cub in the LosAngeles Zoo and uncover a link to a chemical made by a biotechnology company, and Chloe Tousignant returns to Paris where she must overcome her own trauma and focus on her work as a government intelligence analyst.”

Scream (9PM, MTV)

Ghostface has returned; podcasters take notice. The Scream franchise takes on Serial, in “Hello, Emma”.

From TV Guide:

“The death of another teen raises questions;and leads to a rift between Emma and Audrey. In other events, a podcaster arrives in town to report on the past and present murders.”

Tiburones: Sharks of Cuba (10PM, DISCOVERY)

Shark Week goes to Cuba!


Wednesday:

Super Predator (9PM, DISCOVERY)

Filmmaker Dave Riggs searches for the “super predator” off the coast of Australia responsible for eating a 9-foot Great White. Mosasaurus? Orca?!

Ninja Sharks (10PM, DISCOVERY)

Dr. Robert Bolton and his partner Dr. Luther Paradigm create a machine known as the “gene-slammer”, capable of—No! It’s a documentary on six shark species with unique adaptations. Jawesome!

Extant (9PM, CBS)

“Molly and JD discover another pregnant woman suffering from inexplicable and fatal symptoms, while Molly begins to question her own mental stability.”

Mr. Robot (10PM, USA)

This episode is called “eps1.2_d3bug.mkv”. The network’s official synopsis is, also, agreeably metatextual.

“Elliot (Rami Malek) tries to lead normal life - but pulled back into fsociety. gideon (Michel Gill) gets suspicious. tyrell (Martin Wallstrom) plays dirty @ evil corp. I did it 4 the lulz.”


Thursday:

Astronaut’s Wive’s Club (8PM, ABC)

Those duplicitous Gemini wives show up to ruin the group dynamic! Could they be as two-faced as the name implies?

“While the Cold War intensifies and the Cuban MissileCrisis comes to a head, the Mercury 7 families begin glamorous new lives inHouston. But Houston also marks the start of the Gemini Project, and with it,the arrival of the Gemini wives, which changes the dynamic among all the women.Marge and Deke embrace new roles after learning about Deke’s permanent status,and Trudy and Gordo’s personal “cold war” begins to thaw on “TheAstronaut Wives Club.”

Beauty and the Beast (8PM, CW)

The Most Dangerous Game is BEAST.

Shark Planet (9PM, Discovery)

Mondo squalo! Sharks from around the world.

Aquarius (9PM, NBC)

The episode is titled “Sick City”, after one of Manson’s most popular and enduring songs.

“KEN KARN HAS TO CLEAR ALL DISTRACTIONS FROM HIS LIFE—Upon receiving good career news, Ken (Brian F. O’Byrne) attempts to clear all distractions from his life. Hodiak (David Duchovny) seeks help from two people from his past: a priest and a prostitute.”

Wayward Pines (9PM, FOX)

“After an explosion on Main Street leaves two key residents of Wayward Pines in critical condition, Ethan is determined to find out who is responsible for the horrific act. Meanwhile, Harold opts out of the covert operation he and Kate were planning, and Nurse Pam interviews surveillance engineers to find out if there are any workers responsible for falsely reporting activities of any Wayward Pines residents in the all-new “The Friendliest Place onEarth”

Hannibal (10PM, NBC)

The great Katherine Isabelle (Ginger Snaps, Ginger Snaps Back) guest stars in “Dolce” —

“Sensing their time in Florence is coming to an end, Bedelia Du Maurier (Gillian Anderson) and Hannibal (Mads Mikkelsen) consider their parting as Hannibal plans for his final stand. Meanwhile, Will Graham(Hugh Dancy) and Jack Crawford (Jack Crawford) reunite, but Jack remains uncertain about Will’s true loyalty. Back in the States, Mason Verger (guest star Joe Anderson) hungrily makes plans for Hannibal’s capture, while Alana Bloom (Caroline Dhavernas) and Margot Verger (guest star Katharine Isabelle)makes plans of their own for Mason. Tao Okamoto also stars.”

Under the Dome (10PM, CBS)

What’s happening under the Dome this week? Well—

“Under the guise of helping Chester’s Mill rebuild, Christine urges the townspeople towards specific individuals and projects that remind them of their experience in the tunnels. Also, Julia and Big Jim make shocking discoveries that reveal a new threat within the Dome.”

Dominion (10pm, SYFY)

Season two premieres!


Friday:

Defiance (8PM, SYFY)

Rahm’s siege continues in “Where the Apples Fell”.

Sharks of the Shadowland (9PM, DISCOVERY)

Researchers set out to tag aggressive sevengill sharks. Seven. Gills.

Killjoys (9PM, SYFY)

The Killjoys battle nuns with guns over the life of a pregnant girl. It’s the Canadian Fury Road!

Shark Clans (10PM, DISCOVERY)

Great Whites inch perilously closer to Australia’s shores.

Dark Matter (10pm, SYFY)

Zombies on a spaceship!

Saturday:

Sharksanity 2 (9PM, DISCOVERY)

A clip show. Eh.

Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell (10PM, BBC AMERICA)

Strange summons a giant, gripping hand of mud!


Sunday:

Shark Island (8PM,DISCOVERY)

After seven deaths in four years, Reunion Island has become the most dangerous place on Earth for shark attacks.

Battlebots (9PM, ABC)

Last chance to advance! Round of 16, Part II— as always, the smart money is on the wedge.

Humans (9PM, AMC)

We may be in the midst of a sixth extinction, but we’re just three episodes into Humans.

The Last Ship (9PM, TNT)

The crew face Another Kind of Blues against UK Subs.

“With a small group of survivors from Solace in tow, Chandler and his crew square off against an enemy of the most dangerous kind - a nuclear-powered submarine led by rogue British naval officers, Sean and Ned Ramsey. XO Slattery interrogates a captured mercenary from the hospital ship in an effort to extract information on the sub and its mission. As Nathan James engages in a perilous game of cat-and- mouse, the truth about the mercenary sub unfolds.”

Falling Skies (10PM, TNT)

The final season returns with 5x03, “Hatchlings”.

“The 2nd Mass discovers the source for the seemingly endless supply of enemy forces. With the Volm’s help, Tom’s leadership begins to spread to remaining human militias around the world. Hal disobeys his father to help Maggie on a personal mission. Meanwhile, Tom has to make an agonizing choice that ultimately risks one of their own, leaving lasting repercussions for them all.”

The Strain (10PM, FX)

Season two premiere:

“Eph and Nora work on a biological weapon to kill the strigoi, and Setrakian risks the lives of the entire group to find information about a closely guarded secret text. The Master begins the next phase of his own plan by creating a terrifying new breed of creature and placing them under Kelly’s control.

Contact the author at fisharebeautiful@gmail.com.