This Week's TV: River Song and the Doctor Fight a Robot Crab at Christmas!

Illustration for article titled This Weeks TV: River Song and the Doctor Fight a Robot Crab at Christmas!

River Song returns in a new Doctor Who Christmas Special! There are 96 hours of Godzilla on El Rey! Lucy Lawless finally returns to Ash vs. Evil Dead! Happy Holidays, it’s This Week’s TV!



Christmas With the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Featuring the Sesame Street Muppets (9PM, PBS)

Have they tried Hare Krishna?

Colony (11:05PM, USA)

Behind-the scenes look at the new Damon Lindelof/Carlton Cuse joint, premiering next month on USA. Or watch it on Youtube.


Sawyer’s in it.



Muppet Movie Marathon (4PM, AMC)

The Muppet Movie! Treasure Island! Great Muppet Caper! And, uh, Letters to Santa— Uma Thurman’s in it as an airline ticket salesperson, for some reason.

Monsters Inside Me: They Hijacked My Eyeball (9PM, ANIMAL)

Merry Christmas, it’s an eight-year old girl suffering from Loa loa filariasis!

Check out the live stream.

The Expanse (10PM, SYFY)

This show continues to be the most amazing miracle—and even though the first four episodes were already released online, we’re still watching this on our big TV screen, because there’s so much pretty.




Scrooged (7PM, AMC)

A good one—also airing at 5PM on Christmas Day.

2015: The Year in Technology (10PM, SCIENCE)

And what a year it’s been!

True Life: I’m a Cyborg (11:30PM, MTV)

“Three young people meld man and machine by implanting technology into their own bodies.”




Dawn of the Croods (3:01AM, NETFLIX)

Yep. They made an animated TV series out of that movie that had beautiful creature animation and a dreadful story. Hope there’s more of the former and less of the latter.


Kaiju Christmas (6AM, El Rey)

96 hours of Godzilla movies!!!

No Biollante, Hedorah or Ebirah this year, but there’s Megaguirus, Destroyah, and Rodan in his own amazing film! Check the schedule for times.


Abominable Snowman (10AM, SYFY)

Definitely an inferior film to Syfy’s Abominable, but you can’t deny that it’s more Christmassy.




Doctor Who (9PM, BBC AMERICA)

“It’s Christmas Day on a remote human colony and the Doctor is hiding from Christmas carols and comedy antlers. But when a crashed spaceship calls upon the Doctor for help, he finds himself recruited into River Song’s squad and hurled into a fast and frantic chase across the galaxy. King Hydroflax (Greg Davies) is furious, and his giant robot bodyguard is out of control and coming for them all! Will Nardole (Matt Lucas) survive? And when will River Song work out who the Doctor is?”


The episode that really upset Matt Smith at Alex Kingston’s wedding! You can watch it in a theater if you’re in Denmark.



Marco Polo: Hundred Eyes (3:01AM, NETFLIX)

Season two comes to Netflix!

Pokemon: Mega Evolution Special 4 (8PM, CARTOON)

Ten mega evolutions promised. Also, Zygarde.

Stalked By My Doctor (8PM, LIFETIME)

“When a teenage girl is miraculously saved by a heart surgeon, the doctor begins to flirt with her. Her father doesn’t believe her. Unbeknownst to all, the doctor is obsessed with the girl, and he fakes her death... so he can have her to himself.”


Eric Roberts as a spooky heart surgeon!

Ash vs. Evil Dead (9PM, STARZ)

Ash vs. Evil Ash, 2015! And Lucy Lawless returns, FINALLY!



Larry Cohen Double Feature (2AM, TCM)

God Told Me to & It’s Alive! Two incredible movies—the whole It’s Alive series is ripe for analysis. Start your love affair with the films of Larry Cohen, today.


The Librarians (8PM, TNT)

Season finale!

Agent X (9PM, TNT)

Two-hour series finale! Yeah, it’s canceled. Perhaps one day, the world will be ready for an Agent X. Until then…


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You know, that Lifetime movie sounds a little like an old Bela Lugosi movie where he plays a brilliant surgeon who becomes obsessed with the beautiful young ingenue whose life he saved.

Or maybe that old Peter Lorre movie, where he plays a brilliant surgeon who becomes obsessed with the beautiful young wife of one of his patients . . . .

What is it with brilliant surgeons anyway? :)