Recent rumors about the impending Power Rangers reboot seemed to indicate we could be in for a needlessly “gritty” movie. But an alleged new plot synopsis could imply the exact opposite—that we’re getting a movie so achingly ‘90s that it practically oozes MC Hammer pants and Marky Mark.

Advertisement

The leaked story details come from Umberto Gonzalez of Heroic Hollywood, so as ever with anonymously-sourced rumors like this, take it with a pinch of salt—but even then, you can also dream that there is a modicum of truth in this rumor, because good lord does it sound amazingly bad/good. Here’s a few choice sentences from the synopsis:

The Power Rangers movie opens on Earth during the cretaceous period, where Zordon & his group of Power Rangers fight off Rita Repulsa. Zordon detonates a black hole in order to defeat her.

Okay, I guess this is pretty cool and actually ties in to the origins of the Super Sentai series Mighty Morphin Power Rangers was based o—Wait, what?

Next we are at Dave and Busters where we meet 16 year old ZACK who plays a supershot arcade style basketball game and scores 139 points. The girls love him and the guys want to be him. An assistant basketball coach tries to recruit Zack into joining the school basketball team but Zack declines by selfishly responding there is no “I” in team.

Advertisement

Let’s break this one down a little:

A) Dave and Busters.

B) I love that Zack, the future Black Power Ranger (both in the fact that he is African American and also wears the Black Power Ranger suit), is apparently so good at video game basketball he is recruited for a team then-and-there. In Dave and Busters.

Advertisement

C) Girls love him! Guys want to be him! Because of VIDEO GAME BASKETBALL.

D) DAVE. AND. BUSTERS.

Moving swiftly on...

Next we meet 16 year old TRINI, a bit of a loner, who is out in the desert doing yoga.

Out on the horizon of the desert near a decommissioned military base, Jason drives a two seat all terrain vehicle, billy rides shotgun. They’re heading to the decommissioned base to check out a dinosaur fossil. Billy discovered the dinosaur fossil of a T-Rex on Google Earth and wants to explore further.

Advertisement

Oh of course the Asian-american Power Ranger is out being mysteriously exotic and doing yoga. But also, a Google Earth reference? In the same movie that just apparently had a whole sequence about arcade basketball at Dave and Busters? WHAT DECADE ARE YOU REALLY SET IN, POWER RANGERS REBOOT?

When Zordon detonated a black hole in the opening scene, it tore the fabric of time around the solar system. Zordon realizes that Rita Repulsa is also alive when her starship landed in Russia.He feels the lifeforms on earth are too primitive to pass the test to become Rangers.

Meanwhile, in Russia, Rita Repulsa awakens and starts her quest to find gold.

I’m sorry, why is Rita Repulsa’s Quest For Gold not a shared-universe-media-tie-in-franchise-event that I don’t own every aspect of already?

Advertisement

Anyway, the synopsis goes on like this—Rita Repulsa is collecting Gold to revive her former minion Goldar, a.k.a That Blue Monkey Guy With The Gold Armor, to destroy the world. She apparently does this by planning a series of bank heists I desperately want to see, our intrepid teenagers with attitude realise they’re destined to become Power Rangers, and they have an oddly-specific 71 hours to get their shit together and save the day. With attitude.

You can read the full synopsis over at the link below, but honestly, there stands an incredibly good chance that this isn’t real, because it sounds insanely bad. And yet, I kind of want it to be true because what kind of Power Rangers fan woudn’t want to see something that sounds as disastrous, as excruciatingly ridiculous, as this does? It would at least match up with the pure insanity of the show.

[Via Heroic Hollywood]

Advertisement