Only two things (maybe three) happened that moved the plot along at all. Everything else was just a way of undoing everything that happened last week. We could have skipped half of last week's events and replaced them with what little happened this week. Then at least we wouldn't have burned this hour away uselessly.

Spoilers now...

Guess who isn't dead? EVERYONE. I have literally no idea why Tarkoff is still alive after Frederick force-fed him a magic scorpion. If they explained it, I missed it. And I didn't care enough to go back and look for an explanation.

Also not quite dead? Eva. I mean, apparently Eva is dead. But she has a descendant who looks just like her, so she's functionally still around.

The only person who looks like he's still in trouble at the end of this episode is Tommy, who Frederick and Wendy sacrifice to the King. Because he can bring back Ingrid and Freya. (Also, didn't the pilot show Joanna getting instantly pregnant when the girls die? Whatever.)

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So of course, the resurrected king undeads Ingrid and Freya, so who cares about the first HALF of this episode where Joanna was trying to kill herself and Killian was calling Freya's voicemail just to hear her voice. They didn't even stay dead for an entire episode.

Here's all you need to know about last night:

Freya, Joanna, and Wendy have traveled back in time to the early 1900s, but Ingrid's been left behind with her Grandfather and Freddie.

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Dash has a new bed fellow, and she's a naughty FBI agent who also happens to be the one investigating the body he and Ingrid dropped into the ocean. WHAT A TWIST.

WE COULD HAVE SKIPPED PRETTY MUCH ALL OF LAST WEEK'S ANGST. Of course only the guest stars are really in danger, and, in the actress who played Eva's case, not even then. Why wrap up with all that explanation last week if we weren't really done with Eva?

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Why have the Tarkoff and Beauchamp girl death scenes? Turns out they're pointless. We could have just had Tarkoff succeed in bringing the king back last week and then had the girls just run into the past and Ingrid stay behind. Dash even starts his affair with the FBI agent before he knows Ingrid's dead, so not even that plot is affected.

Killian's heartbreak over Freya should be a major moment for them, but A) she doesn't stay dead long enough for his sadness to sink in and B) he immediately ends up back in the Eva plot.

And remember how I said last week that the episode looked like it was short, so they lengthened scenes with slow-mo? WHY NOT JUST PUT THE ONLY SALIENT PLOT POINTS FROM THIS WEEK THERE? God, what a waste of time this whole week was.

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