The White House responds to the creepy alien body guards conspiracy

Illustration for article titled The White House responds to the creepy alien body guards conspiracy

On March 4th, Obama's secret alien security team skeeved out the planet. While addressing the American Israel Public Affairs Committee, a shapeshifter alien humanoid was caught on tape slithering about the group, keeping its two soulless eyes on the crowd. It was terrifying, and sent the conspiracy theorists all a twitter. There's an alien working for the President! Obama must come clean about his ties to the shapeshifting alien race he's been secretly employing for security purposes!


Thank goodness for Wired's Danger Room, who had the steely reserve to question National Security Council chief spokeswoman Caitlin Hayden said something interesting:

The White House dismissed the alien bodyguards as too costly in this era of budgetary austerity. “I can’t confirm the claims made in this video, but any alleged program to guard the president with aliens or robots would likely have to be scaled back or eliminated in the sequester,” Caitlin Hayden, the chief spokeswoman for the National Security Council, e-mails Danger Room. “I’d refer you to the Secret Service or Area 51 for more details.”

THAT'S NOT A DENIAL! Here's the full video breakdown by a robotic voice for your viewing pleasure. You decide, are we all just puppets of some secret alien conspiracy?

Top image via Project Avalon.



Where is Art Bell when we need him?