The Vampire Nest On True Blood Is As Lame As It Sounds

This week on True Blood's latest episode "Mine," we got to meet Bill's vampire peeps, and oh my god did they suck (and not in a funny ha ha pun way). The "nest" of vampires rocking the baldie, afro and long hair looks were briefly introduced in the last episode, but now we got a deeper look into their one-dimensional world of trying too hard to be all things sexy and scary. In a show that will be made or forgotten strictly by its cast of undead blood drinkers, why did they not attempt to make them slightly realistic or at least interesting?In the clip, you can see the moment where the vampire introduction takes a turn for the worse. Right when Sookie tells the pack of idiot tongue rollers that glamors don't work on her, it should have gone to business as usual. They should have dropped the awful act and returned to playing Tiger Woods 09 on their xbox. I mean haven't these people had to operate in society for years, because this kind of "babies make me hard," behavior totally deserves a police investigation. AND BTW when baldy said that he get's hard thinking about infants it screamed a one-liner come back. But now on the the recapping. This week we also met Tara's alcoholic Bible-beating mom and also got to see Tara pity-fuck Sam. Jason had more sex (seriously, doesn't it chafe?) and gets set up for even more lady murders. Sookie and Bill did the back and forth booty dance, going nowhere as usual. And Lafayette continues to wow me as the only redeeming character on the show. Pro: Big Gay Jerry (the boy that the vampire nest is feeding on) is trying to weaken the vampire pack by letting him drink his Hepatitis D infected blood. Good thinking Jerry. Pro: The nest of vampires kill the ugly meth-head lady by stringing her up and bleeding her dry, that was actually slightly scary. Pro: Jason's payment for Lafayette is either awesome or disturbing. Either way, it made me laugh. Con: Jerry is wearing jean cut offs because he's a big gay stereotype, but where were the work boots?? Con: Hepatitis D Blood only "weakens" vampires, so makes it pretty pointless, sorry Jerry. Con: The vampire gang is the least sexy/scary thing I've ever seen. I'm curious why they couldn't cast people that were actually attractive or scary. I seriously was embarrassed for bald vampire when he waved his tongue around in the air. The whole lot of them look like the kids at the role playing party that no one liked. Afro vamp needs to cut back on the "look how sexy I am, I'M SEXY" acting. I literally put my hands over my eyes during the "johnson" scene. Con: Bill uses magic to explain just about everything. Which could have been the best pick up line ever but instead is just a strange and terrible way to explain why Sookie can't read his mind....magic! Con: I'm now starting to think that Sam may NOT be the were-collie. Con: Sookie's back and forth "I want to sleep with you, no we can't" act with Bill is starting to get me frustrated. Plus apparently now that she's had some V-juice colors turn her on. Next week Sookie investigates the latest murder in her town and tries to clear up her brothers good name by visiting the vamp-sex club with Bill. I can't wait for more "johnson" jokes from the vampire crowd.


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and for the record, the books really aren't as crass as this show. I kinda wonder if Alan Ball and the writers aren't adding a bunch of sex and lame one-liners "Babies make me hard" to play up the fact they have a show on HBO.

The sexual element seems forced and over-the-top, when maybe the should have stayed focused on the characters and not just what makes them horny.

I'll still give it a chance, but if this series doesn't give me more of the books, and less of "hey we're on cable so let's show some softcore porn and Deadwood cursing!" I may have to tune out. I get it. The show gets to have lots of sex. *yawn*

Oh and Meredith, if they stay true to the books, Sam is indeed more than you think.... ;-)