The first trailer for the Disney Channel Original Movie The Descendants has hit, and it looks... it looks exactly like we thought it was going to look. I don’t even know. It’s like High School Musical and Sky High had a child. And that child shops exclusively at Hot Topic.

That said, you’ll have to use the jaws of life to keep me from watching this live. Also, based on this trailer, I really need to know: Did Cruella raise her son to be terrified of dogs? Not full of murderous hatred of dogs, but afraid of them? Because all the other villains seemed to have raised pretty capable — by their standards of capable — kids, and Carlos is terrified of all dogs, not just dalmatians.

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I’m not even sure I can pick a favorite... that’s a lie. It’s Mal. I really want to know what she did to that girl’s hair.

Get a closer look at these kids and their outfits (my god, their outfits. My teenage self is super-jealous) with these photos. The last of which may be kind of spoilery? I can’t quite tell.

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