With Piranha 3D already in line to get a sequel, it's time to admit that penis-severing is the special effect of the year. But the now-infamous piranha cock-chomp wasn't the first. Let's contemplate its forerunners, shall we?
I said this was NSFW, but it's a lot more that that. You will probably go insane if you watch all of these videos. You might need to take tomorrow off to recover. Don't say I didn't warn you.
In Frank "Frankenhooker" Hennolotter's most recent film, a man discovers that his penis has detached itself from his body and is roving around having sex with people. Here he yells about how frustrating it is to feel his cock having sex long-distance. Luckily, he finds the woman of his dreams, who has an equally superpowered vagina. Really, this is a love story.
Urotsukidoji, or Legend of the Overfiend
This sprawling epic started as a manga, then morphed into one of the most celebrated examples of the tentacle porn anime subgenre in the late 1980s. The plot is a confusing morass of demonic politics, with the ever-present threat that the "overfiend," whoever he is, can break down the walls between our world and the demon world. One of the demonic superpowers we see a lot is the ability to sprout penises on the ends of giant tentacles - sometimes even with an eyeball on the tip. Plus, as you can see in this clip (sadly, dubbed into French), there is a magical severed penis that can bestow great power. If you pick up a copy of the anime, I recommend part I, "Birth of the Overfiend," which features a character whose penis suddenly becomes so huge that it explodes out of his partner's body, blasts into the sky, and showers Tokyo with firebomb sperm.
This is one of those great 1980s schlock horror movies with a political subtext. On the surface, it's about a bunch of bums who start melting when they drink toxic moonshine. But it's also about poverty and homeless war vets. And then - there's this scene, where one of the bums randomly chomps off another guy's dick because he's peeing through a hole in the wall. And then the bums all play catch with it for a while. I - I really don't know what to say.
The 4th Man
Before he came to America and made movies like Robocop, Total Recall, and Starship Troopers, Paul Verhoeven made this crazy, sexed-up thriller in his native Netherlands. A controversial writer takes up with a mysterious lady who has a fondness for scissors - and whose three previous husbands have all died. During a sex scene, our mystery lady uses her scissors for what I think we can all agree is an off-label use. Though this movie isn't scifi, it's moody and bizarre enough to qualify as magic realism so let's just let it slide.
Brian Yuzna, master of wonderful sleeze, directed this straight-to-video gem, starring the inimitable Jeffrey Combs as the mad doctor whose glowing green serum can bring anything back to life - even body parts. This is the third movie in the Re-Animator series, and is certainly the only one to include a zombie rat fighting a zombie penis during a serum-fueled prison riot in Spain.
Those of you lucky enough to see this movie already know that its penis-chomping scene is one of the best. When a coke-snorting pornographer falls in the piranha-infested Lake Victoria, his favorite body part becomes fish food. In fact, two piranha fight over it - so we get the full 3D chomper effect, especially when one of the fish burps out the remains right into your face.
Sex and Zen
What this amazing trailer for this early-1990s Hong Kong porn film doesn't show you is the whole subplot with the mega-courtesan's husband, a scholar who wants to be the greatest sex master in the world. Or maybe he just wants to have more sex. At any rate, he's told by a master thief that he can learn to sneak into women's houses and have sex with them - but only if he has a bigger penis. So he cuts off his own penis, and replaces it with a horse cock. Yes, that is really the subplot. How can you not believe me after watching that trailer?
Teeth is the dark, satirical story of what happens to a religious young woman who discovers that her vagina has teeth in it. In this scene, she begins realizing that this isn't just a liability - it's a superpower. Especially when her evil half-brother decides to rape her.
Eve of Destruction
It's like our leading lady from The 4th Man, Renee Soutendijk, just couldn't get enough castration! She had to come over to America and make this movie, where she plays a nuclear-powered cyborg who bites a creepy guy's dick off. Why would she do that? Well, her brain is modeled on that of her mad scientist creator, who was once raped by guys who called her "bitch." So whenever her cyborg creation hears the word "bitch" - well, let's just say the outcome isn't pretty.
Tales from the Crapper
One of the stories in this Troma anthology, "The Case of the Melon Heavy Man Eater," includes aliens crash landing on Earth, an undercover alien investigation at a strip club (of course), and a guy getting stabbed to death with his own penis. Probably the most interesting aspect of this flick is the cast, which includes Ron Jeremy, Eli Roth, Trey Parker, James Gunn, Wes Craven, and a bunch of other sleaze merchants (and I mean that as a compliment) who normally stay behind the camera. Celebrate dicklessness with this cast of titans!
For further reading: OMG Horror has a list of the twelve most painful castrations ever.