Directed not by Disaster Porn Lord Roland Emmerich but by Brad Peyton, action film San Andreas asks “What if all the earthquakes happened?” and then drops the mic. Yipes.

San Andreas has a deeply upsetting, flying disaster shtick, and there is no way on hell I’m going to see it. But hey, if you were jonesing for your next Day After Tomorrow Kaboom-Boom Show, then this is it. And yes, it even has massive ships careening into buildings and a character yelling “Don’t you quit on me!!!”

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Yep, it’s all there. San Andreas, May 29th. Be there, or not.