For Sale: One throne, slightly (okay very) used. Rightful rule of the seven Kingdoms not included.
When you go all in on your Game of Thrones cosplay, you’re probably not thinking about where life will take you in the future. The realities of moving house probably don’t slip into your mind at the same time as you’re thinking “If I’m gonna do a Cersei cosplay I’m gonna do it right, I need to build my own Iron Throne too.”
That’s what’s happened to one cosplayer-turned-Craiglist-user, who’s had to put their handmade Iron Throne—and matching giant Dragon skull—up for sale ahead of a move. But they decided to at least have some fun with the description, imagining an alternate Game of Thrones where, tired of her life ruling Westeros, Cersei ditched King’s Landing and planned a move to a cozy married life in suburbia:
I didn’t think my life would turn out this way. I was a really smart kid. Dad never appreciated me. Nobody ever caught on to why all of they stray cats in the Red Keep kept mysteriously dying.
Apparently, smashing the patriarchy of Westeros can only be done when you are a hot young Marilyn-blonde. Over 40 and ready to rule? “SHAME!” is just the new “Lock her up!”, amirite?
Kids r dead, Jamie’s gone, jokers to the left, White Walkers to the right. And there I was, stuck in the middle, ready to burn it all to the ground.
But then Bryan came along.
I wasn’t looking for anyone but swiped right anyway. He’s an anesthesiologist with the hands of a surgeon - got the manual memorized. Now I’m moving to the burbs and not looking back. YOLO.
$150's not bad for a throne, really, given that this one isn’t forged out of a zillion pointy and uncomfortable swords.
Somehow I doubt this’ll end up being how Cersei’s story really ends in Game of Thrones, but it’d make for an amazing one of those fake endings they’re planning on filming for the final season.
[Craigslist, H/T Kristen]