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I mean that literally: everything in this movie is stupid. But stupid in such high quantities that I have to almost admire it. Like, this movie is a puppy that keeps shitting on my floor, but it’s too cute for me to really get worked up.


It’s been a long time since a movie a movie this transparently bad has so thoroughly captured my imagination. I need answers. I need to know more about the giant flame-spitting worms. I need to find out how Geoffrey Rush became Ra. And I really, really, need to watch a giant Nikolaj Coster-Waldau strangle a kid.

Most of the other trailers have focused almost exclusively on Set (Gerard Butler, acting like he’s in another 300 movie) and Horus (Coster-Waldau, the only name I think of when I think ancient Egypt)—with a bit from the human Bek (Brenton Thwaites, who is... there) thrown in. This trailer shows the multiplying powers of Thoth (Chadwick Boseman) and a bit more of Hathor (Elodie Yung). Hathor’s power appears to be... walking seductively in very little clothing. Which is also a powerful skill.


I guess I have no choice but to get drunk and see this movie like five times.

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