Yes, really. The Originals, the Vampire Diaries spin-off about supernatural creatures turning New Orleans into a gumbo pot of mayhem and intrigue, came back last night and had one of the funniest, cleverest "fuck yeah" moments we've seen in ages. Watch for yourself. Warning: Spoilers!
True to classic Vampire Diaries style, the Originals season opener packed a season's worth of plot into one episode. Most shows would have spent a slew of episodes on Klaus trying to take down the werewolves who tricked him, weakened him with their moonlight rings, and tried to kill his baby. Klaus finally getting payback would have been a "sweeps" thing, perhaps. But not this show — we get to see Klaus take down the Guerrera clan of werewolves in one pretty glorious show.
Some of the best bits included Camille faking out the Guerreras and steering them into a trap, Marcel doing vampire recruitment seminars for new vamps and then springing a wolfsbane trap on the werewolves, and Haley committing mass wolf murder. Oh, and Klaus painting in blood while having yellowy orgasms every time someone wearing a moonlight ring got his or her hand ripped off by someone. (Because those rings were weakening Klaus, and because Klaus gets off on murder.)
But the most indelible part of the episode — and a strong candidate for one of the year's funnest scenes — is the bit above. Elijah has been making a point of going around having bits of New Orleans declared historic landmarks, so they can be marked for historical preservation. At first, you think this is sort of thematic — he's trying to preserve the city's heritage against these wolfy interlopers who just want to scuzz the place up with their protection rackets and stuff. But wait.
Turns out Elijah is being a crafty bugger, because he knows Francesca will hide out inside her house when the shit goes down, and Elijah can't enter her house without an invitation. Unless... he has her house declared a historical landmark and then quietly seized via Eminent Domain. (And yes, I know in real life, Eminent Domain is never quiet, or quick. The Guerreras would have gotten like 100 notices in the mail, and there would have been hearings. Whatever.) So the power of historical preservation turns the Guerrera house into a public space — allowing Elijah to step in and slaughter everybody. Just lovely.
Oh, and it turns out that all of Klaus' dead relatives are back, and one of them is Isaac from Teen Wolf. Surprise!