The Most Excellent Moment from Emmanuelle Vs. Dracula

Perhaps the most thrilling of the endless softcore Emmanuelle movies is her showdown with the original vampire, Dracula himself. Just check out this scene, in which a rockabilly vamp with crazy sideburns uses his vampire mind control powers to give a woman a fake orgasm at the dinner table. What really makes the scene extra-amazing is the fake smoke that pours out of his pants legs under the table — why don't more vampire movies and TV shows depict the mysterious power of the smoky pants?

Don't worry, this clip is work-safe — unless you are freaked out by a woman faking an orgasm, Harry Met Sally-style.

Emmanuelle Vs. Dracula is one of the many great softporn science fiction/fantasy movies produced by Rolfe Kanefsky — click here for some of the clips we've featured in the past, most of them NSFW. In E Vs. D, a group of ladies are having a bachelorette party in the middle of nowhere, and they're waiting for the male strippers to arrive — but instead they are greeted by a rockabilly vampire named Johnson, who goes around giving them orgasms and showing off his awesome beady-eyed smile until they're all under his power. Soon they're overrun with hunky male vampires, and it comes down to a battle of sex and wits, with Emmanuelle fighting against the vampires using her raw, deeply honest, sincere sexuality.

Here's the denouement, where Emanuelle wins the sex challenge and then proves that she's actually not under the vampires' power — she was just faking. Warning: You might glimpse a split second of female nudity in this clip.

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I haven't seen any of the Emmanuelle movies, but I have read the novelisation of the first one—it was one of those books of the movies that had the picture inserts in the middle—you know the kind? I was 8 or 9. The words made basic sense to me—they were titillating, although I couldn't get my friends interested in them, so I gave up and read them by myself.

But I could not make head nor tail of the pictures. Just...limbs. Limbs everywhere. I could not work out what was in what, who was in who. A few years later, when I'd read more skin mags, I had an epiphany that I had enough of a background to make sense of it, and went back to my parents' bookshelves to find it and...gone. So disappointed. Because this time my friends were interested too, dammit. We were a pussy posse.

However, what really didn't occur to me until right *now* was that it was soft core. It was definitely the raunchiest things I could have been *reading* at 8. It was scandalous, and there was sex everywhere (on planes! that affected my attitude to flights for a while) and with everyone. Soft core? How?

Now I get it.