The Flash's Iris West Is The Worst Blogger Ever

Illustration for article titled The Flash's Iris West Is The Worst Blogger Ever

Ah, Iris West: Jitters barista by day, intrepid chronicler of the Flash's superspeed shenanigans by night. But while The Flash has been off the air, we've been thinking that maybe Iris isn't Central City's best Citizen Journalist. In fact, she's actually the worst blogger on the internet, which is quite an achievement.


Her Blog Is An Absolute Mess

Illustration for article titled The Flash's Iris West Is The Worst Blogger Ever

Okay, look, I know this is a real cheap shot, considering I use Kinja every day of my working life — but what the hell is this, Iris?

I'm pretty sure I've seen Geocities sites that are more clearly formatted than this. The weirdly Windows-Metro looking layout doesn't just look strange, but also:

  • there are randomly floating pictures of various sizes everywhere (just labelled by their file names, which, no!)
  • the color scheme is like bits of a rainbow barfed over a grey canvas
  • the text for her post's ledes just fades away instead of actually cutting off properly - trust me, there is nothing more infuriating to a blogger than an Intro lede that gets cut off improperly
  • for some bizarre reason, the whole design of the site is built to nest around Iris' little "About" blurb.

I want to murder my own eyes every time I look at this damn thing.

And god, that logo. Thankfully she made a much better one when she renamed the site.


She Doesn't Actually Collect Evidence

For someone so insistent on proving to her readership that the Flash is real, whenever she encounters him Iris is pretty damn terrible at, you know, gathering evidence to show people that he's real.


There have been more than enough times when she's been up close with the Flash — and gone about actually visiting crime scenes to investigate, which is good! — or seen him in action, and she's never tried to get her phone out or a camera, or anything to document what's happening right in front of her (not even a dictaphone or recording app on her phone for rooftop interviews). You might argue it's pretty hard to get pictures of the fastest man alive, but he stands still in front of her often enough that damn Iris, do something other than just stare at him!

I bet that if she did try to get video of the Flash, it'd probably be shot in portrait mode. That just seems like how Iris rolls.


She's Terrible At Asking Questions

Imagine yourself in this situation: You've been looking for this superhuman being and they've finally arranged a meeting. They're standing right in front of you, willing to talk. You can ask them anything, everything. Instead, you blurt out this:

You've gotta give me something - Hobbies, Pet Peeves, favourite colour!

GODDAMIT IRIS. And she says dares to say he's a bad interviewee! You'd think someone actually studying Journalism would know better to softball the fastest man alive when it comes to question time.


She Doesn't Actually Know How To Blog

Illustration for article titled The Flash's Iris West Is The Worst Blogger Ever

We've seen Iris write a few posts for her site on the show, but we've actually seen her posting direct messages to the Flash on it more often than actual content for the site.

Sure, it's great to get him to show up for clandestine chit chats, but how weird must that look to any of her actual readers? Do they think she's inviting them to Jitters? There must have been at least a few people showing up at a locked-up coffee shop in confusion, in the middle of the night, thanks to these messages showing up on her site in between actual bits of content. At least she's cooled off on direct contact with him for a bit, so maybe she's taken a hint and stopped using her blog to arrange meetings.


For an Investigative Blogger, She's Pretty Clueless

This is kind of the big one for poor Iris. How can you run a blog dedicated to uncovering the actions of the Flash when you're so bad at noticing stuff around you?


Barry doesn't really do the best job of hiding that he's got secrets from people — and honestly, Detective West doesn't either — and yet Iris doesn't pick up on anything out of the ordinary unless it's said right to her face, the way Barry's infatuation with her was in The Man In The Yellow Suit.

Even that, one of the most obvious things around that virtually anyone else can pick up on in an instant, comes as a shock to her! Even when Barry tries to conceal himself from her as the Flash, he kind of half asses it — the blurred face is pretty good, but he doesn't keep it up in their rooftop meetings, and his voice distortion still makes him sound like himself, unlike Oliver Queen's own methods of concealment. Considering she's lived with Barry for most of her life, how on Earth does she not pick up on that? For someone actively trying to find out stuff about the Flash, she's doing her damn best not to pick up the obvious.


From one (admittedly terrible) blogger to another — stick to the day job, Iris. At least it pays!


Sean Cummings

And she uses a hit counter. I suspect she's using Netscape Navigator too.