The Fictional Worlds That You Would Never Really Want To Live In

Illustration for article titled The Fictional Worlds That You Would Never iReally/i Want To Live In

Authors spend lots of time building up worlds that, at least on the first few visits, can seem pretty magical. But there's a flipside to that coin.

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Sure, Narnia has magic doorways and talking deer, but the best candy available there is apparently Turkish Delight. Wonka's factory, on the other hand has plenty of variety, but traveling by hypnotic chocolate speedboat undoubtedly gets old fast. The Marvel cinematic universe has the technological ability to build smart exoskeletons, but it also has sentient killer robots.

Tell us in the comments about which fictional world, while perhaps fun for a visit, would get old to live in pretty fast — and why.

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DISCUSSION

oh hell this is a long list:

Mad Max's world - crazy people with guns, cars, and obsession with screaming. Toss in the fact that I look like shit in tight clothing (yay uniboob) and the fact that leather pants chafe and I find myself giving this a big ol' "NOOOPE"

Conan's (cinematic) World - I'm a girl. Sure the more recent offering gave us some badass women, and we get the awesomeness that is Grace Jones and Sandahl Bergman, but the majority of people in this world are poor, living in huts and scrounging for food...or addicted to a snake cult. PASS.

The Marvel Universe - Super powers are nice, but then all you do is fight all day and find yourself having to stop nutty former nazi a-holes or aliens all day long. And of course that's assuming you are a hero. It seems like the average citizen gets to sit back and watch these idiot do some seriously property damage while worrying whether yet ANOTHER helicarrier is going to land on their heads. Sooo, nope on this too.

The Walking Dead - It's an overused comment, but it's a true one. Do you honestly think YOU are going to be in the 1% that avoids becoming a zombie? Also do you want to live the rest of your life wondering when you WILL join the zombie horde (since it's been proven that just dying leads to zombie life, no bite necessary)? So yeah, i'll skip this too.

Anywhere OTHER than the Shire or Rivendell in LOTR or The Hobbit (cinematic universe, mind you) - Think about it. The heroes aren't the only ones walking in LOTR. Every day people are being packed into cities and rushed from countryside to walled death traps in a mad attempt from a handful of "leaders" to avoid orcs (which seems more like putting off the inevitable). Meanwhile hobbits in the shire get to smoke on their pipe and talk about what a fine day it is during second breakfast. The same is true of the elves who are doing god-knows-what other than planning their move to a better place in such a calm and reasonable manner that my high school hall monitor/fire marshal would have kissed them. The same is true in the hobbit when Bard's town is pretty much set on fire and then everyone gets to move to a walled city again (jesus wept people, stop trapping yourself, make a back exit already!) and more of the population gets culled. Awesome and no thanks.

The world of Gattaca - Too clean for me and I'm pretty sure I'd go mad from all of the entitlement running about. How the "God" Children didn't rise up and shoot all of the test tube babies is beyond me. Even if you are blessed with perfect genes, Jude Law proves that you can still be a f-up. Soo a bit nope to that too.

The Aliens Universe - There are giant aliens with acid saliva and face hugging crab monsters. As soon as one got on one of our ships, our society home on earth was screwed. It's only matter of time before the whole population goes, and the best part is they'll be blissfully unaware until it's too late since most of the people who sent out Ripley and crew are dead by the time the ship would return. Even if a message been sent home as a warning, there would be a number of years to plan, but if they didn't take it seriously and the warning wasn't passed down through the generations, it would be open season on humans so pass.

18th Century Edwardian England (setting of the Austen novels that i adore so much) - girls get screwed over again and again in these books and their entire existence is dependent on marriage. You can't even got get a job (because that would lower your social standing, not that it wasn't possible for a woman to have a job) and your day is full of gardening, painting, setting up the day's menu for the cook, walking and playing cards. It sounds great for about a week. By month 2 i would be looking for a sword so i could turn the story into Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Oh and it sucks for guys too because your existence is to manage an entire estate (not easy to do) be responsible for you entire family's bills (instead of the more common practice today of husbands and wives sharing the load) and you are constantly being chased by eligible ladies and their mothers who heard you make a lot of money, not that you're a nice man or that you're fun to be with. Just that you're rich and so therefore you must obviously want a wife (let's not forget that the gay community has ZIP options in these stories and is ignored completely, because that was not spoken of). Ugh, repressed hell. I'm out.

Westeros - Not sure this needs explanation. It's a war torn hellhole. Everyone is being conscripted into armies or starved to death or having their land stolen and if they're lucky enough to be aristocracy they can enjoy assassinations and betrayal. What fun!

The Dune Series - hooked on worm poop in a sandstorm nightmare with the same sort of palace intrigue that we see in Game of Thrones. Yeah...no.

The world of the Hunger Games - Forget the fact that you grow up hoping that your name doesn't get picked in a horrific child murdering lottery, if you are lucky enough to avoid that fate you get to watch your own children live through it AND you get the satisfaction of Never seeing the fruit of your labor and the added fun of knowing that there's a place called "The Capital" where all of your stuff is going so that they can live easy off your work while you go back to live in what looks like a shitty lean-to or a cement block prison camp. nope.

hmm..i'm thinking at this point it would be easier to list the ones that are worth living in.

...i got nothing.