This weekend, many of us will tromp out to go watch the latest vampire weirdfest, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1. But if you're too broke or too sane, there's another alternative — the sublimely awful, over-the-top, crazoid sexploitation romp, Nude Vampire.
Warning: clips are NSFW! Be warned! Seriously!
Made in 1970, this European trainwreck of filmmaking features fashion statements that would make Lady Gaga faint, plus nonsensical storylines and horrendous special effects. There are two Devil Twins who wear outfits made out of windchimes, or panties with metal spikes coming out of them. (At one point, the Devil Twins get obsessed with grooming a baby cheetah pelt, complete with cheetah head.) There are dancing girls with fang pasties. There are strange laboratory experiments, in which people wearing animal heads and weird velvet hoods remove blood from naked hooded women. There's a Suicide Cult in which anyone whose picture appears on the overhead projector is forced to shoot him/herself. And so on.
We featured the trailer for this gem in our roundup of new holiday gift DVD sets the other day, and here's an even better version of it. Warning: Trailer is also NSFW!
After watching the trailer, we had to track down a copy of this masterpiece... and it was so worth it. This is one of those movies that straddles the wobbly dividing line between "art film" and "exploitation film." It has that thing that a lot of late 1960s and early 1970s movies have, where someone stands still on a beach and the camera pans past him or her, agonizingly slowly. Every scene goes on about five minutes too long. But then there are animal-headed cultists doing blood experiments, and a weird priest guy who's bulletproof, and weird closeups of troll dolls doing something obscene. And so on.
There are many bad movies that are merely dreary or annoying. And then there are bad movies that soar over ordinary standards of logic and aesthetics — like The Immortals. I feel like Nude Vampire is another one of these special movies that opens up a window into the void beyond human consciousness and experience. It's a go-go-dancing, day-glo-fashion-wearing, crazypants masterpiece of terrible vampire culture. Well worth hunting it down in one of its many ultra-cheap releases. Oh, and apparently a remastered Blu-ray version is coming in January!