The 1980s wasn't just the golden age of Star Trek movies — it was also the heydey of teen comedies, from Porkys to Molly Ringwald. And what could be better than teenage hijinks with scientific craziness or bizarre supernatural powers?
Here are the 10 greatest paranormal teen comedies of the 1980s, in no particular order. Feel free to suggest your own favorites in comments!
What's it about: Ummm... We've watched it and we're still not sure. Some aliens want to destroy the planet Earth, so they unleash a guy named Mr. Armageddon who comes out of a basketball. He terrorizes the teenagers at a local high school, then winds up challenging the high school's basketball team to a game — and if the team loses, the Earth is destroyed.
The Sexy Mayhem: There's a scene where a nerd is playing a video game where he has to control a penis that shoots sperm at Bibles, and then he gets decapitated and his head is replaced with a computer monitor. That's all I got.
What's it about: 15-year-old Mitch is sent to a technical university that's basically CalTech, where he's taken under the wing of goof-off party boy Chris Knight, and they inadvertantly help create a doomsday weapon, a space laser.
The Sexy Mayhem: In the end, Mitch and Chris use the space laser to blow up a ton of popcorn inside the house of a popcorn-hating professor, and then destroy the laser. Woo hoo!
What's it about: Michael J. Fox, god of 1980s weird comedies, discovers that he's actually a werewolf. So he does what any teenager would do — uses his wolf powers to win basketball games. (After all, basketball saved the planet from armageddon already.) He soon finds that Mr. Wolf is more popular than he ever was. Now being made into an MTV series, with basketball replaced by... lacrosse?
The Sexy Mayhem: Mostly just some amazing wolf dunks. But what else could you ask for?
What's it about: A young teenage couple go hunting in an airplane graveyard for something to use in their high school science project — only to discover a device that can warp space/time. Soon, neanderthals and 1960s hippies are busting out all over. See Tor.com's lengthy review of the film.
The Sexy Mayhem: None that I'm aware of. There is wackiness, involving Stormtrooper-helmeted bullies and mutant cannibals, among other things.
What's it about: A nerdy teenage boy gets injected with some kind of alien chemical by his sexy alien science teacher — and it turns him into a telepathic sex magnet with a tentacle growing out of his forehead that drives women wild. So he starts a band called the Sex Mutants and then saves the world from the aliens who transformed him.
The Sexy Mayhem: It's a movie about a boy with a forehead tentacle that drives women wild — the whole thing is pretty much sexy mayhem. Watch the trailer above, and watch an NSFW scene here.
What's it about: A teenage boy discovers a bunch of magical, incredibly disturbing people, whose superpowers mostly involve eating your toes or vomiting on you. He befriends them and saves them from being exploited as garment workers (really) and from being trapped in a Home for the Ugly. They, in turn, help him get back at the bullies who've ruined his life.
The Sexy Mayhem: After a teenage fashionista uses their unique sewing abilities to make some cool clothes, the Garbage Pail Kids crash the runway fashion show and rip the clothes off all the models, causing mayhem as beautiful people run around in their underwear. They also vomit on some people. (It starts about halfway through the clip above.)
What's it about: Scott Baio is a teenage nerd who gets telekinetic powers in a weird accident... so he uses them to get back at all the people who've picked on him.
The Sexy Mayhem: Lots and lots of Baio using his beady-eyed squint powers to rip women's clothing off. This is probably Patrick Stewart's favorite movie. It all culminates at the prom, where he makes his creepy face and all the women's clothes (and some of the men's) go flying off. See above for the key scene.
What's it about: A pair of nerds somehow manage to create the perfect woman by hooking a Barbie doll up to a computer and stuff. She also has reality-warping superpowers, and helps them deal with bullies, including an obnoxious older brother.
The Sexy Mayhem: Mostly just the famous scene where they create Lisa, and she emerges wearing a crop-top T-shirt and panties... and later the boys watch her showering. Oh, and the boys create a giant nuclear cruise missile in their bedroom out of sheer horniness, which has to be some kind of metaphor.
What's it about: Bill and Ted are teenage flakes, but then it turns out they're super-important in the utopian future because of their band, the Wyld Stallyns, and their contributions to future philosophy and stuff. So George Carlin comes back in time and gives them a time machine to help them avoid flunking their high school history class.
The Sexy Mayhem: Historical figures disrupt a shopping mall, including Genghis Khan going nuts in the sports department and Joan of Arc (Jane Wiedlin from the Go-Go's!) taking over an aerobics class.
What's it about: Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox again!) gets a time-traveling DeLorean and goes back in time to meet his parents as teenagers — only to prevent their first meeting, inadvertently. If Marty can't fix up his parents, he'll never be born.
The Sexy Mayhem: Perhaps the most famous time-traveling almost-incest scenes of all time, where Marty's mom tries to seduce him. Also, Marty teaches everybody how to noodle on a guitar and it's actually quite sexy.
Thanks to Alasdair Wilkins for suggestions. Thanks also to everybody who named their favorite 80s SF/fantasy comedies in this thread over at Facebook.