Friday night's episode of Sanctuary saw the return of snarky vampire inventor Nikola Tesla, intent on bringing bloodsuckers back into existence by transforming trust fund babies into vamps. First they call him their Obama, then things don't go so well.

Syfy should really spin-off the Nikola Tesla character, or else hire him on as part of Sanctuary's core team. Someone obviously has a great deal of fun writing his dialogue, and Jonathon Young delivers it with such douchebag relish. Tesla wants to revive the long-extinct vampire race, and to that end, has posed as the head of a private addiction clinic so he can infuse his patients with a latent vampire gene. Apparently rich meth heads are perfect candidates for the undead master race.

The plan was to start killing off these latent vamps in a couple of decades when they were older and wiser, so they could become true vampires. But ex-drug users aren't exactly the most cautious characters, and they start dying all on their lonesome being reborn as vampires. The kids catch wise to what's going on, and are soon killing and reviving their fellow former addicts. As a bonus, they kidnap Tesla in hopes of making him their vampire mentor.


Tesla finds them insufferable, and the Sanctuary team has to find the failsafe they know Tesla must have hidden somewhere (in a rather clever callback to Tesla's vino habit, it's stowed in Magnus' wine cellar) so he can de-vampify the undead trust funders. Sadly, it de-vamps Tesla, too, making him mortal and, in his estimation, decidedly less cool. But hey, he's still brilliant, still obnoxious, and now he can actually get drunk off of all that wine.

Seriously, forget Sanctuary Season Three. Give me thirteen episodes of Nikola Tesla on a quest to turn himself back into a vampire and try to take over the world.

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