Stoned Polish E.T. and twenty more insane old European movie posters

Illustration for article titled Stoned Polish E.T. and twenty more insane old European movie posters

Back in the day, Eastern European posters for English-language science fiction films sometimes rearranged the movies' plots, jigsaw-style. For example, the Hungarian posters for the Star Wars trilogy transformed Darth Vader's helmet into an unusually nefarious bundt cake pan.

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So everyone put your swimming caps on (and Berlitz tapes in the microwave) because we're delving back into the psychedelic depths of international movie poster art. Let's begin with the utterly boss Hungarian poster for Alien. As you can see here, the xenomorph is some species of spacefaring bio-organic wereparrot.

Illustration for article titled Stoned Polish E.T. and twenty more insane old European movie posters

The Hungarian Aliens switches things up. Ripley is either traveling to LV-426 or competing in an intergalactic bowling tournament.

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The American ad campaign for Phase IV made no damn sense whatsoever — the Hungarian poster is just following suit.

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According to the Czech poster for Short Circuit, "Who's Johnny" is the question you hear milliseconds before you die.

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The Czech Temple of Doom was secretly located in the cover art for an Earth, Wind, and Fire album. Kali Ma Shakti de!

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Illustration for article titled Stoned Polish E.T. and twenty more insane old European movie posters

"Jó napot! My name is Hungarian Jaws 2! Welcome to my movie poster!"

Illustration for article titled Stoned Polish E.T. and twenty more insane old European movie posters
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Hungarian King Kong has come to New York with a singular goal — to penetrate an office building...with his own name.

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The Czech Terminator is kind of handsome, like the bastard offspring of Henry Rollins and an early Windows screensaver.

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Impossibly, the Polish poster for Big Trouble in Little China makes the film look boring.

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Ditto for Back To The Future. ("Ah, yes. The movie with the car in it. Let's see that.")

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On the other hand, Polish Gremlins looks like it was made by Gremlins, so mission accomplished.

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The Czech Omen is a hilarious Theodore Rex-esque cop comedy starring Gregory Peck and his mishap-prone partner, Microcephalic Satan.

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Why is Polish Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom sleeping?

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BECAUSE POLISH RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK WAS TOO FUCKING EXCITING! NAZI COBRA COATHANGER!

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Is there something worse than the German E.T. porn? Yes. POLISH E.T.'s LIPS.

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Illustration for article titled Stoned Polish E.T. and twenty more insane old European movie posters

"I EAT SUBTLETY!" screams Turkish Jaws. (Note: Do not confuse him with Çöl, The Turkish Jaws).

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Hungarian Close Encounters of the Third Kind was live from Red Rocks.

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Turkish RoboCop included a sensual scene where Murphy and Red from That 70s Show engage in the only dance that is forbidden in Detroit.

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Polish Jaws 2 would make a fantastic Doublemint commerical.

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Well, this is definitely the poster for Polish Willow.

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Close us out, Polish Witches of Eastwick.


RELATED
- The most misleading science fiction movie posters ever
- Some creative remakes courtesy of Ghanian cinema (1, 2, 3)
- Polish and Czech Godzilla
- Gory Thai movie posters
- Alien, as told by a child who never saw Alien

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[Via Budapest Poster, Polish Poster, Eat Brie, and the always fantastic Monster Brains]

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DISCUSSION

garrisondeanog
GarrisonDean

Boy that car couldn't look less like a DeLorean if they tried. Seriously? These artists were trolls before trolls were trolls. They had to know they were fucking with people.