There are many things to recommend about the live-action Amazing Spider-Man series that aired in the late '70s — okay, well, Nicholas Hammond was a good-looking kid — but ol' Webhead's ability to rapidly foil crime isn't one of them.

Sure, looking at the opening credits, Hammond seems to sprint lots of places — when he's out of costume. But once he straps on the blue-and-reds, it's like he's had an unfortunate webbing mishap. Any criminal with a bus pass could've gotten away. That shot, towards the end of the credits, when "Spider-Man" is slowly being hauled up the side of the Empire State Building? C'mon, 1970s, you can do better than that.