Inside Out comes out Friday. When it does, we’ll get a look at the emotions inside the head of a girl on the brink of adolescence. And they’re great emotions! But many of us grow up to be sexier, weirder, and more resentful adults—and a lot of our emotions have no business in a children’s movie. Here are some of them.

Morbid Curiosity

“Do I have time to get a really good look at that accident before work? They never really show anything on the news. Which they should . . . for safety reasons. Damn it, they cordoned it off Never mind, I’ll just take the subway and read my book about Ted Bundy.”

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Sexual Perversion

“Well why else would anyone keep a Pikachu around? It’s not a fighter. Oh and it only levels up with high ‘friendship’. Right. Back to the fanfic.”

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Paranoia

“She hates me. He hates me. They hate me. They all hate me. . . . OH LOOK AT THEM TRYING TO ACT SO NICE! STOP COMPLIMENTING MY HAIR, LINDA! YOU ARE FOOLING NOBODY!”

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Obligation

“Okay, so I’ll go over to Uncle Fred and Aunt Irma’s for Thanksgiving. Gropey cousin Dave will be there early, so he can get a crack at the cooking sherry. The turkey will be burned, because we’ll all be up in the attic so Irma can show us her ‘treasure,’ which which she’s totally coincidentally going to ask us to dust and sort. And then I’ll go home with a bag full of trash from their backyard, which she swears I can dump ‘any old place along the way.’ But I’ll do it, because they’ll be dead soon. Or I will. Either way is fine by me.”

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Schadenfreude

“What was the best thing that happened to me this week? Watching Alex try to storm off in a huff only to slam his hand in the door on the way out. Seeing his face in the second before he screamed was like seeing an angel . . . get hit by a car.”

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Sad, Forced Optimism

Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow. Or maybe the day after that. Actually, wait, the day after that is Friday. I’ll try again next Monday. Tuesday at the latest. Yep, gonna turn it all around by Tuesday.”

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Hazy Political Self-Righteousness

“Oh sure, but what is anyone doing for the American farmer?!?!?!?”

An Ever-Increasing Certainty, When Looking At The Young, That We Were Better Than They Are At That Age

“Ugh. Teenagers.”

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