Smurf Wars: This Is The Smurfing Smurf Movie We Really Want

Illustration for article titled Smurf Wars: This Is The Smurfing Smurf Movie We Really Want

Smurf War is hell, judging from this graphic-novel pitch for a brutally violent Smurf epic. Read why Brainy is an evil sonofabitch, and Smurfette is doomed. Meanwhile, the actor portraying the live-action movie's Gargamel speaks: Was Azrael cut?


While searching for a better brand of Smurf movies than the live-action version currently being filming in NY's Central Park, we discovered illustrator Marcelo Braga's Smurf Wars graphic novel pitch and concept art...

Here's the plot pitch from his site:

The story starts after the Smurfs' invasion of Gargamel's Castle. They finally captured and killed him, as well as his cat Azrael. As a trophy, the cat's preserved body was put at the center of the village's main square, as a reminder of Dark Times forever gone, or so they thought...

There was a period of peace and prosperity, everything went well until a disease took over the weakened body of Papa Smurf. Shortly before he died, Papa asked Hefty, the strongest Smurf, to take care of his children in the hopes that they never suffer from the lack of anything in his absence. Hefty, now living with Smurfette, his fiance, accepted this responsibility and, even with very little experience, lead his people with great wisdom. What he didn't know was that envy was always growing in the heart of Brainy Smurf. He, with his thick glasses, and enormous intelligence was the new leader's adviser and suffered deeply by the unrequited love of the only girl in the tribe: Smurfette. Also, he felt that he should be the new leader. After all he was the smartest Smurf and second-in-command behind Papa Smurf.

Jealous and envious, Brainy breaks away from Hefty and starts to preach a new ideal for his brothers: a Democracy! Educated and persuasive, he convince nearly half of the village with his revolutionary ideas. The Smurfs are now divided into two groups: those who support the Hefty centralized regime, and those who defend the democratic ideals of Brainy. Gradually, that which was only a debate heated on ideologies becomes a serious conflict. With tensions running high, a Civil War is declared and Brainy and his followers are expelled from the village and forced to live in the forest. Exiled, humiliated and angry, Brainy plots his revenge against Hefty. Knowing that Hefty and Smurfette had never had sex because they are not married, he orders a surprise attack at the village under a cold and rainy night.

Silently sneaking into town from the other side, Brainy enters Smurfette's tent, but she doesn't recognize him. Without his glasses and with a fake heart tattoo in his arm, he looks exactly like Hefty. Smurfette realizes something is wrong since the battle is raging outside of the tent, but her lover simply stands there, starring at her.


If you want to know how violently it all ends — and I think we all unfortunately know where this dismal tale is heading — check out Braga's site Disburros. Warning: Not for the weak of heart or mind.

In other smurf news Hank Azaria, who is playing the live action version of the sorcerer Gargamel, spoke to MTV about his role, the costume, and his cat Azrael, who is thankfully coming with him. The story takes place when the Smurfs stumble into our world, followed by the evil Gargamel who only wants to cook them for dinner — and they all wind up smack dab in Central Park. Here's what Azaria had to say:

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As he explains, he's gone bald for the part. But we're still not sure what he'll look like without the hair and nose — so here's a really awful Gargamel picture I doctored over Azaria's face.

Illustration for article titled Smurf Wars: This Is The Smurfing Smurf Movie We Really Want

Photo via Getty Images Entertainment By: Alberto E. Rodriguez


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Jack B. Quick

"so here's a really awful Gargamel picture I doctored over Azaria's face."

Bless you Meredith Woerner. This is why I am a devoted fan. (day=made).