Seven insane minutes of people explaining how '80s toys are satanic

Dear fellow children of the '80s — remember how we all turned into Satanists? If only we had listened to author Phil Phillips and Pastor Gary Greenwald back then, two men who realized the demonic agenda in everything from He-Man to the Smurfs. Someone assembled this video of their greatest hits, and it is mesmerizing.

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My favorite bits:

• Dungeons & Dragons "game pieces" scream when you set them on fire!

• "It's called necromology."

• Darth looks "almost exactly" like the Norse god Odin

• Smurfs are blue with black lips... just like corpses.

• "There's a form of witchcraft [in Star Wars] called 'Obi witchcraft.'" Obi obi obi!

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[Via Cartoon Brew]

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DISCUSSION

This was my life in the 80s and 90s. He-Man was apparently so Satanic my dad felt the need to destroy both my Castle Greyskull and Snake Mountain sets, torch my (pretty extensive) action-figure collection, and put the giant poster of characters my aunt gave me through a shredder "to cleanse our house of Satanic influences". Then I got exorcised a couple of times to cap it off because I had an imaginary friend that was clearly evidence of demonic possession. Sorta put me off Christianity as a result.

And nobody could ever explain to me why, if God was so all-powerful and all-knowing, Satan was such a constantly and ceaselessly feared individual. My family's version of Christianity was so rooted in terror of the Devil (and of God, for that matter) that it came off like refugees in a war-torn nation simply picking the warlord with the most guns.