For people who don’t have families, live far away from their families, or have families they’d rather not see, Friendsgiving is the best option this time of year. Scream Queens illustrated this point in an episode that also killed one character, brought another back from the dead, and deployed some A+ guest stars.
Ok. After this week, “Thanksgiving,” there are only three episodes left—the finale is titled “The Final Girl(s),” natch. By now, the back-stabbing that goes on among the living has proven just as important to the plot as every murder notched by the Red Devil. But the surviving Kappas join together, sorta, after realizing their twisted sisterhood is their true family.
Of course, there’s a lot of drama getting to that point. After shoving a fake-pregnant Hester down the stairs to get her out of the way, Chanel Number One proudly attends Thanksgiving at the Radwell family compound. There are just a few problems. One, the Radwells are gross, horrible snobs (mom and dad are played by Julia Duffy and Alan Thicke); even Chanel (who is also also a gross, horrible snob) isn’t good enough for them. Two, Hester isn’t dead—something about her scoliosis brace breaking her fall—so of course she crashes the Radwell festivities, and becomes the target of what Chanel calls “the most mean-spirited game of Pictionary ever” (the drawing prompt is “neckbrace whore”).
The best thing about the Radwell scenes, other than the sight of Thicke and company camping it up as evil WASPs, is that they finally give Chanel a chance to unleash her trademark rapid-fire insults on a target that actually deserves it. Of course, her tirade is made moot when—after assuring Chad she’ll never speak to him again—she immediately takes him back when he follows her home to Kappa for Thanksgiving with the sisters.
How’s that? Yeah, everyone who headed home for the holiday (including Chanel Number Three, who flounces out of her rich-jerk family’s literal TV dinner meal in disgust) eventually makes it back to the house before turkey time, where Dean Munsch has been busily prepping the bird she “pardoned” the day before. This includes all the Chanels, Grace and Zayday, Grace’s father Wes, and Pete—all the major characters except for Denise and Gigi. (Denise’s absence is so odd I had to double-check to make sure she survived last week; Gigi’s, we’ll get to soon enough.)
While the turkey roasts in Kappa’s never-before-used oven, the assembled get all Agatha Christie-meets-Clue, accusing each other of being the Red Devil. A lot of the accusations are simply impossible—though Wes is creepy as hell, and is revealed to be Boone’s father (and presumably the father of Boone’s ID-unknown twin) thanks to a Pete-ordered DNA test, he’s not the right gender or age to be the killer. Through this bit, we also learn that Kappa has surveillance cameras set up all over the place. Uh, why haven’t they been tapping into that all this time, then???
Dean Munsch is also too old, though everyone finally realizes that she did kill her ex-husband. Which we already knew.
Oh, Jamie Lee Curtis. Scream Queens would be a mere shell of a TV show without you.
Wes accuses his own daughter, which is way harsh, but does seem credible once he reveals information we haven’t yet been told, including the fact that Grace’s incoming-freshman visit to Wallace just happened to coincide with the spray tan/acid death of Chanel’s sorority-prez predecessor. But Killer Grace still seems unlikely, unless we learn even more of her secrets (and with three eps to go, that better happen ASAP).
Dean Munsch accuses Chanel Number Three, because of the Manson thing. Pretty weak. More likely, though nobody says it: Chanel Number Five, who bursts in carrying her “five-meat stuffing” (meats include rattlesnake and Spam), explaining that her family went to the Maldives and didn’t tell her.
I’d be putting money (though not $50,000, the sum Papa Radwell offered Chanel to leave their Hamptons manse and never come back) on Number Five if it weren’t for the “urban legend” attack that happened last week, which seemed to have her and the costumed female killer in the same place at the same time.
At any rate, where there were once three killers—and then two after the death of Boone—there’s only one. Because after an episode-opening scene of room-service Thanksgiving dinner and hand turkeys between these two:
The episode-ending shot is this:
Adios, Gigi, aka the Hag of Shady Lane. We’ll miss you, your Forenza wardrobe, and your stone-cold killer instincts. But just who cut off your head—and did they do it with an electric carving knife??