Save Sarah Connor — By Getting Drunk!

Illustration for article titled Save Sarah Connor — By Getting Drunk!

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles won't get a much-deserved second season unless it shows a ratings surge for tonight's two-hour finale. But how can you convince all your friends and coworkers to give the show another chance? By introducing them to our fun and socially lubricating Sarah Connor Chronicles drinking game. (Note: This time it's a real drinking game. We promise!)


You'll be much less confused by all of that jiggery-floopery about who time traveled when, and which stocky robotic dude is named Chrome Marty, if you follow this drinking game to the letter. You need shots of some kind of liquor, preferably bourbon or vodka. And some beer. Tell all your friends to do this in their own homes, and we can help the show deliver gang-spanking ratings to the suits at Fox.

Take a swig of beer every time:

  • Summer Glau tilts her head to one side and stares intently.
  • Thomas Dekker looks at the ground like a whipped puppy.
  • Brian Austin Green punches a wall or some other surface.
  • One of the high school kids looks at Summer Glau funny.
  • We see Lena Headey exercising.
  • Someone mentions "The Turk."
  • Lena Headey has a bad dream. (Three swigs if she decides to take action based on it.)
  • Someone tells John Connor that he's not the heroic "Future John" yet.
  • Summer Glau repeats something someone has just said to her, in a robotic monotone.

Drink a whole shot every time:

  • Sarah Connor has a voice-over where she quotes from literature or history, or talks about wise old sayings.
  • Summer Glau says something dorky, like "Thank you for explaining." Or tries to talk like a cool kid and fails.
  • FBI Agent Ellison reads, or quotes, from the Bible.
  • A Terminator other than Summer Glau is in a scene, and doesn't commit any violence.
  • John Connor has a surrogate-dad moment with Brian Austin Green or his ex-step-dad.
  • John Connor decides to prove he's a hero by doing something completely half-cocked.

Drink a healthy swig of beer and a whole shot whenever:

  • Another Terminator gets its skin ripped off, or actually gets deactivated, but Summer Glau walks away without a scratch.
  • There's a discussion of whether Summer Glau has a soul.
  • Sarah Connor screams at her son, or cries.
  • FBI Agent Ellison starts acting like he believes in the Terminators.

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When I watch Sci-fi shows on television, I imagine I feel like what the parent of a special needs child feels. I love 'em, I want them to succeed, but I just don't expect a lot from them. I am amazed when things go well, but am not surprised when they fall a little short.

And I am truly not trying to be a dick. I love me some SF, and just want it to do well, though it always seems to have the deck stacked against it.