Vote 2020 graphic
Everything you need to know about and expect during
the most important election of our lifetimes

Ride Out 2012 In Style With Vivos Apocalypse Shelters

Looking to be pampered during armageddon? Sign up for a Vivos underground shelter. If Vivos' site is to be believed, you'll be sitting pretty and cavorting with models while the rest of civilization burns to ashy smears.

Vivos head Robert Vicino has the investment for you! For a mere $40,000, you too can secure a space on his subterranean ark, granted you have the right skill set to aid your fellow survivors. (I reserve the right to be snarky about this whole enterprise, as "internet writer" is somewhere between "hand model" and "bassoon player" on the master list of professions well-suited to survive the end of days.)

Here's a recent conversation NBC had with Vicino. More than a 1000 people have applied to spend the last year or so of their existences huddled in what is essentially your elementary school boiler room. After two weeks of this, give me the skin-melting fallout or the space leprosy or the lemur people or whatever made it such that we can't order pizza over the internet anymore.

Reality looks a lot different than this CGI tour of 3D concept art for a finished Vivos shelter. Their interior decorator is apparently the guy who designs rest-stop McDonald's restaurants.

And here's a video of Vivos' facility outside of Barstow, California. I like the upbeat, jangly pop soundtrack - it really makes the end of the world seem like a coming-of-age dramedy.

Illustration for article titled Ride Out 2012 In Style With Vivos Apocalypse Shelters

On the plus side, the bunker will be filled with sexy ladies right out of stock photos from mail-order bride sites! Not skeletal, sallow-eyed survivors who will be competing with you for the last can of minestrone when the bunker's food pantry is empty!


If any of this sounds appealing, you can sign up at Vivos here. I'm going to ride out Armageddon with a handful of Slim Jims, a box of Franzia, and a round of prayers to the Elder Gods (couldn't hurt at that point).

[Vivos via Nerdcore]

Share This Story

Get our newsletter



I have no need of his puny shelter. For I shall travel the globe in proper attire and gather the forces of Geekdom and Nerdonia and we shall build a world worth living in and for. A world where astrophysicist and internet writer are not shunned for their lack of social skills or choice in profession, but recognized for the knowledge and vitality they bring forth. We shall reach for the outer stars and the inner heart not for the highest revenue. Children will learn art and science not cruelty and hate.

Oh...And a Cat shall lead us. Well most likely several cats...but not at the same time.