Illustration for article titled Posthuman Mutants Penalized for Evolving on American Gladiators

American Gladiators returned to the airwaves this season, bringing us one step closer to reality television featuring amped up posthumans beating the ever-loving crap out of normal folks with real weapons. While the Gladiators are using padded Nerf-esque weapons now, we can only hope that later they'll be given bladed weapons and clubs to attract more viewers. Yesterday NBC announced that they've been testing all of the gladiators for steroid usage. Why are they persecuting these innocent pharmaceutical cyborgs, who are only trying to evolve?


The American Gladiators aren't competing in a professional sport, so why do they need to be subjected to weekly pee-in-a-cup sessions? If they want to amp themselves up with human growth hormone and horse steroids, then shouldn't it be their own business? These people are trying to stop the puny humans from winning the dough, so they need to be able to crush them, just like the Hulk.

We say, bring it on and give us an all-steroid using cast that doles out massive doses of punishment in order to keep the cash in their coffers. These are American GLADIATORS, for pete's sake. They have names like "Crush," "Venom," and "Mayhem. They're supposed to be huge and scary. Plus, are they testing any of the regular joe contestants? And what about host Hulk Hogan?

NBC Testing Gladiators For Steroid Use [TV Squad]

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