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Please Don't Put Your Babies in These Halloween Costumes

From left: Baby Jack-Jack Deluxe, Infant Rainbow Brite Sprite, Star Trek Spock Newborn Baby Bunting, Infant Stink Bug.
From left: Baby Jack-Jack Deluxe, Infant Rainbow Brite Sprite, Star Trek Spock Newborn Baby Bunting, Infant Stink Bug.
Image: Halloween Costumes

Tis the season: It’s the spooky month of Halloween that’s become known for tormenting children. Luckily, Halloween costumes are already doing the job for us! Here are io9's picks of some of the worst costumes parents can force their babies and toddlers into this socially distant season.

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We are not making fun of babies and toddlers in costumes. Obviously. Babies and toddlers are always adorable, no matter what they’re wearing. They just shouldn’t be wearing these particular walking/crawling/sleeping tragedies. This is not their fault. This is on the parents for putting them in these outfits that will make them cry, scream, or despise them in 15 years.

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The ‘Gross-Out’ Child

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From left: Infant Talan the Tarantula, Infant Slimer Bunting, Infant Stink Bug, Infant Skunk.
Image: Halloween Costumes

I don’t understand the appeal of putting babies in costumes that are gross or humiliating. Sure, babies can be gross on their own sometimes, but if I found out my parents dressed me up as a “Stink Bug” when I was three years old, I would insult them so bad on TikTok...if that was around when I was younger. LOL I’m old.

Popular Characters

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From left: Baby Patrick Star, Toddler Mini-Me, Star Trek Spock Newborn Bunting, Ghostbusters Infant Stay Puft.
Image: Halloween Costumes, Spirit Halloween
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You’re more likely to find officially licensed costumes for kids than the sexy off-brand versions we get with adult costumes. That said: Some of them are better than others. That Spock swaddler is cute, were it not for the oversized pancake ears and clearly Photoshopped eyebrows. Also, I’m pretty sure that Stay Puft Marshmallow baby is going to kill me.

The Disney Machine

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From left: Aladdin Toddler Abu Deluxe, Dopey Deluxe, Baby Simba, Baby Donald Duck.
Image: Halloween Costumes, Spirit Halloween
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Apparently, Disney baby costumes of popular animal characters roughly amounts to “Let’s put a giant head on top of their regular head.” I have to ask: Out of all the Seven Dwarves, what kind of parent chooses Dopey?!

The Disney Machine: Incredibles Edition

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From left: Disney Incredibles 2 Classic Baby, The Incredibles Toddler Edna, Baby Jack-Jack Deluxe.
Image: Halloween Costumes
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Had to give The Incredibles a special shout-out for some truly bizarre baby costumes. The Edna Mode one is not fashion, dah-ling. And, while the Jack-Jack one might be the most accurate, I guarantee you that baby will spend all of Halloween trying to get that damn headpiece off. Speaking of which...

Your Child Will Cry in This Costume

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From left: Infant Monsters Bride, Infant Rainbow Brite Sprite, Infant Pint-Sized Pope, Child Deluxe Slimer.
Image: Halloween Costumes
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These costumes are guaranteed to make your child cry. Oversized and overheated, or featuring giant hats that are almost as tall as they are. If they’re not screaming or running away, they’re doing their damnedest not to fall over.

Dear God, Why Do You Want to Eat Your Baby?

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From left: Infant Rock Lobster, Master Chief Maine Lobster, Infant Lobster.
Image: Halloween Costumes
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There are too many lobster costumes. Stop it. Babies are not for eating.

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Finally, you might have noticed a few of these baby costumes were a little, ahem, manipulated. It seems they couldn’t even get the baby models to wear the costumes. But I have to present the all-time winner of Best (Meaning Worst) Photoshop Job of 2020.

The Photoshop Champion of 2020

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Minion Toddler, of your nightmares.
Image: Halloween Costumes
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You’re welcome.


For more, make sure you’re following us on our Instagram @io9dotcom.

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Video Editor and Staff Writer at io9. My doppelganger is that rebelling greeting card from Futurama.

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DISCUSSION

jaywantsacatwantshiskinjaacctback
JayWantsACatWantsHisKinjaAcctBack

I’m just going to buy the costumes and skip the moneypit that are babies. Win-win!