Philip K. Dick Is Spamming Me

Illustration for article titled Philip K. Dick Is Spamming Me

Like anyone who has read their fair share of schizo-pharmo-technological Philip K. Dick and Robert Anton Wilson books, I sometimes find data on my computer that make me wonder if there is some kind of weird conspiracy at work. Or, worse, that somebody is trying to make me think there is a conspiracy to get me interested in buying something. That would be a truly Dickish moment, and it precisely describes how I felt when I got this spam that reminded me of something out of Dick's A Scanner Darkly (recently made into an animated flick directed by Richard Linklater).


The subject line of the spam was "shore girl," which sounded like your typical randomly-generated pair of dictionary words. But then came the message body with its strange references to "subject product V (or C)":

1. Find a girl
2. Invite her to your appartments
3. Use subject product V (or C)
4. Have fun
5. Take her number
6. Profit?


And there's even a little South Park reference thrown in — remember that episode with the underwear gnomes where they make a business plan around stealing underwear that ends in the word "profit"? Sometimes I feel like spam bots are becoming artificially intelligent entities who make references to pop culture. I mean, this spam turns viagra into something that sounds like the kind of drug you'd get from your Substance D dealer. What am I really trying to say? Just that if spam bots become intelligent, we really are living in dystopia.

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Chris Braak

I can't decide if I like the idea of artificially intelligent spammers more or less than the idea that spam is aliens trying to communicate with us, who only learned how to speak by reading the internet.

Consequently, they think that human beings just speak in porn.