Open Channel: What Did the Government Tell Captain America to Say to These Kids?

Captain America’s got some explaining to do.
Captain America’s got some explaining to do.
Image: DoD Outreach (Twitter)

It’s Take Your Kids to Work Day, and even the US government has time to “edutaine” some tots. The Department of Defense brought Captain America to the podium for a press conference, where he came face-to-face with an intrepid group of young reporters. Time to theorize about what Steve Rogers is helping the government attack or evade this time!


As shared on Twitter, Col. Robert Manning and Captain America did a press-style Q&A for a bunch of kids while showing them around the Department of Defense’s media and public relations department. While the press conference wasn’t livestreamed for public viewing (unfortunately), we presume Captain America gushed about how gosh darn great the military-industrial complex is while evading inquiries into his past as a Hydra operative, as well as President Donald Trump’s repeated call for a DoD ban on transgender service members.

Here’s some of the other things we imagine Captain America was instructed to say at the podium:

  • “Happy Take Your Kids To Work Day to all, including to my many enemies and those who have fought me and lost so badly they just don’t know what to do. Love!”
  • “There were some fine people on both sides in World War II.”
  • “No collusion between me and Hydra, and everybody knows that.”
  • “When Sokovia sends its people, they’re not sending the best... They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists... And some, I assume, are good people.”
  • “I’ve said if Sarah Rogers weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”
  • “My use of social media is not superheroic—it’s MODERN DAY SUPERHEROIC.”

Let us know what you think these brave young reporters asked Captain America in the comments, as well as how he was probably instructed to respond. And hey, at least Steve’s taking a trip to Wakanda in Avengers: Infinity War, out tomorrow. He could use a lesson is competent government leadership—even if it is technically a monarchy.


Video Editor and Staff Writer at io9. My doppelganger is that rebelling greeting card from Futurama.


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