Last night, a hungry beast chased after a child who had woken it, by eating its tempting, delicious treats! No it's not the infamous Pale Man from Guillermo del Toro's fairy tale movie Pan's Labyrinth โ€” it was Once Upon A Time, cribbing from the best. Spoilers ahead!


I was supremely excited when I found out that Once was going to tackle the dark fairy tale of Hansel and Gretel. The original story is all about abandoned children and crafty tykes outwitting an evil blind cannibal. And let's not forget the father to Hansel and Gretel left his beloved children out in the woods twice โ€” twice! Sure, it was at the behest of his evil wife, but that didn't stop him from dropping his precious babies alone to die off in the wilderness, TWICE. It's a dark, dark tale. None of which was in this episode. Instead we had to listen to Emma prattle on about the broken Foster Care system of America. Hooray!

Positive side, this entire outfit from the Queen. Love the that, love the shoes, love the hair, LOVE HER.


Moving on. Emma finds two kids โ€” they are abandoned. She then spends the rest of the episode making it all about her, and shrieking about the horribleness that is foster care, which is a pretty smooth move. Especially in front of the two kids that she's now "protecting," because let's be honest, if this was the real world, they would end up in foster care. But it's not the real world, it's Storybrooke Maine! Land of mine parties and supremely slutty waitresses with hearts of gold. OF GOLD, I TELL YOU!

So Emma does what any normal cop does: Finds the Dad and rubs his two tiny children up against the side of his coat, this way he'll be used to their scent. Then Emma leads a trail of Reese's Pieces all the way to her car where she's holding the kids in a cardboard box with an old blanket covering the top. The three of each other see each other and immediately start nursing or whatever it is people who have children do.

The end. It was all very easy, wasn't it? Good for them, because I think if they tried to leave Storybrooke, they would have got malaria or ringworm or something and died because, you know, THE CURSE. Question โ€” since the family was reunited (in the fairy tale land, the Queen separated the family across the fairy globe or what have you) did they NOT recognize each other from fairy land? Isn't the that point of this whole thing? Slowly breaking the curse? Wouldn't reuniting the fam break that part of the curse, and maybe they would remember a little, a la hot hipster but now dead sheriff? Questions. Questions.


The whole fairy land flashback was pretty exciting. The Gingerbread House was cute. And I'd often wondered what the Pale Man from Pan's Labyrinth would look like with breasts, and now I know. It was fine. Sure it was totally out of character to see the Queen try and adopt the kids, but whatever she's just a lady looking for love in all the wrong places. Let's be honest this entire episode was just a giant set up for this moment...


HOLY SHIT, it's the doctor student from Center Stage, Books (my nickname) from Band of Brothers and a constant cameo in many of my late night thoughts. Eion Bailey ladies and gentleman. Now forgive me whilst I turn into a JTT fawning 14-year-old


Interest? Rekindled.

Image via jomolove.