I know you'll be shocked to hear that on last night's The Event, there were more inexplicable developments related to conspiracies and possibly-aliens-possibly-time-travelers. Plus, the president himself conducted interrogations! But the best part was Joe Biden.

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OK, so it's not really Joe Biden. The vice president in this show is some weird blend of Joe Biden and Dick Cheney. My point is that this scene - excerpted above - is basically this entire episode in a weird, slightly boring nutshell. Mystery Guy, who is behind the "nonpolitical alien coverup" conspiracy, is not only experimenting on little girls but is also the moneybags behind the VP's career. I like the idea that in this alternate America, the Obama-esque president has a Republican running mate. Though of course they don't name the political parties in question for some reason. (It would be awesome if the reason were that we're in a parallel America, and the "aliens" are from our world but I guarantee that nothing that cool would happen on this show.)

So what happened in this episode? Turned out Joe Biden helped orchestrate the near-murder of the president, along with Mystery Guy. But Sterling the intelligence chief is on to him, and now that he's about to be caught he's really sorry about everything. So he teams up with psycho assassin chick Vicky, who is sent to kill him by Mystery Guy. "He sold us out!" she tells Joe Biden about Mystery Guy. "Let's be friends!" And so now they're going to be their own conspiracy. Or maybe Vicky will team up with Sterling.

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In other news, Sean got shot and Leila kidnapped a doctor at gunpoint and forced him to operate on Sean's wound in a dirty parking lot. The joy of saving some scary psycho's life makes the doctor totally love Leila and Sean and they all exchange warm smiles after the blood is cleaned up.

And the president himself interrogated Leila's dad about why he tried to plow a plane into Martinez's family. This guy has a lot of time on his hands! Screw that economy - he's going to go in person to yell at some crazy dude who is about to be shipped off to Alaska with the alien scum.

To celebrate this fine turn of events, Martinez and Sterling are now calling each other by their first names, Laverne and Shirley. It's kind of cute.

I can't wait for next week, when everybody gets ready for the big dance - only there aren't enough hot alien boys to go around and Joe Biden has to dance with that alien chick who killed her boyfriend. Plus, Mystery Guy has a pimple and even his anti-aging solution won't help.

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