Disney just announced that it's making a brand new, live-action TV movie all about the kids of your favorite Disney Villains (titled The Descendants). Sounds great, but then we read the premise, and realized some fucked up shit has been happening in Disney World.
The TV movie is supposed to be created in the vein of the super popular High School Musical films, so think comedy and lots of mugging for the camera. We were fine with all of this until we got the the plot synopsis, thanks to D23:
[The Descendants is set] In a present day idyllic kingdom, the benevolent teenaged son of the King and Queen (Beast and Belle from Disney's iconic Beauty and the Beast) is poised to take the throne. His first proclamation: offer a chance at redemption to the trouble-making offspring of Cruella De Vil, Maleficent, the Evil Queen and Jafar who have been imprisoned on a forbidden island with all the other villains, sidekicks, evil step-mothers and step-sisters. These villainous descendants (Carlos, Mal, Evvie and Jay, respectively) are allowed into the kingdom to attend prep school alongside the offspring of iconic Disney heroes including Fairy Godmother, Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel and Mulan. However, the evil teens face a dilemma. Should they follow in their nefarious parents' footsteps and help all the villains regain power or embrace their innate goodness and save the kingdom?
First of all, Belle and the Beast are the King and Queen? Hells to the no. Screw that rage monster and his creepy, creepy human nostrils. That being said, this line up of potential hotties (the children of Cruella De Vil, Maleficent, the Evil Queen and Jafar) sound like they could be the next cast of Mean Girls. However, why is Cruella de Vil in this lineup? SHE'S FROM THE 50s! She has a car! She doesn't belong on a fantasy island with kings and other characters that have magical powers. Do you think Cruella's car makes her a god in this universe?
Now let's move onto the names, Cruella De Vil's son is named CARLOS DE VIL? Is that even clever? Maleficent named her spawn Mal, a nickname for herself? The Evil Queen from Snow White named her child another word for EVIL? And the Mother, herself, doesn't even get a name, she's still just that evil bitch with the tight hood look, and her kid is Evvie. I already hate Evvie based on spelling alone. And then there's Jay, Jafar's kid. Just Jay, you guys.
And FINALLY the villains along with all of their "sidekicks, evil step-mothers and step-sisters" have all been eternally imprisoned on a fantasy island??? When did Disney Royalty start imprisoning hereditary enemies of the state? It sounds like the kids are getting a second chance just because Belle and the Beast's kid isn't a total monster.
This sounds terrible. I can't wait.