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New Conspiracy Theory: Big Bird Has Secretly Been to Mars

Illustration for article titled New Conspiracy Theory: Big Bird Has Secretly Been to Mars

Following a tweet showing a shadow that looked a bit like him on Mars, Big Bird has denied that he’s ever been to Mars. But no one was suggesting that he had. Methinks the bird doth protest too much.


Here’s the semi-incriminating photo:


And here’s Big Bird’s denial, only five minutes later:

WHY SO QUICK TO DENY, BIG BIRD? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO HIDE? And there’s something about ellipsis that just doesn’t sit right. Can’t you just imagine Big Bird saying “But I’ve never been to Mars... *nudge* *wink* *taps nose*” Could he secretly be on Mars right now? No, that’s silly. But there’s still the possibility that he’s hiding something bigger by denying that Curiosity caught him on Mars.

As the Laughing Squid points out, Big Bird has encountered Martians before:

Note the Martian’s power to make things disappear and reappear. And to make schematics (Greek letters in the book mean it’s math, right?). Maybe the Martians have captured Big Bird and replaced him with a replica that obeys their every command. Maybe they’re using Sesame Street as part of their invasion. I don’t know for sure. I’m just asking questions.


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Clearly that’s a sound stage in Palm Springs. Obviously Big Bird has been there!

Wake up, sheeple!